A Catholic Mother’s Encouragement to Young Women Learning to Trust God
Some Things Are Harder for Women Than Others—Silence Is One of Them
Let me begin with a confession. After 27 years of marriage and mothering ten children, I have come to see this clearly: being quiet is very hard for a woman. Not just staying quiet in noise, but holding back words when we believe things ought to change. We are not strong by the world’s standards. We don’t often lead by position or power. Our strength lies in our presence, our words, our tone. And sometimes, if we are honest, our words become our weapon.
Nagging—yes, let’s name it—is one of the most common temptations for a wife and mother. It doesn’t begin as sin. It begins as care. We want good things: a clean home, a peaceful dinner, a child to speak kindly, a husband to understand. But when our desires get twisted by fear or frustration, we turn to control. And that control often comes in the form of repeated reminders, exasperated questions, or weary complaints.
Nagging may seem small, but it is deeply damaging. Proverbs warns that “a nagging wife is like constant dripping on a rainy day.” Nagging wears down relationships. It replaces peace with tension. And most seriously, it drives a wedge between us and God’s will.
What Scripture Says Is Clear—But Not Easy
In his first letter, St. Peter writes to Christian women living in a pagan culture. He tells them to be “submissive to their husbands,” with “the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God.” Then, as if to help us imagine such a woman, he says, “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.” And he names one by name: Sarah.
Sarah, the wife of Abraham, lived in tents. She followed her husband without knowing where they were going. She bore shame and sorrow for years before the promise of a child came. And she made mistakes—real ones. But what marked her life in Scripture is not perfection. It is trust. She hoped in God. She trusted God more than her feelings, her fears, or her husband’s flaws.
That is what it means to be gentle and quiet. Not weak, not silent. But still, inside. Steady. Resting in the will of God.
A Gentle and Quiet Spirit Is Not Natural—But It Is Precious
The world tells women to be bold, loud, and unfiltered. It praises anger, celebrates confrontation, and dismisses silence as weakness. But God values something very different. He calls the gentle and quiet spirit “precious.” That word in Greek means costly, rare, deeply valuable.
Why? Because gentleness is strength under control. Because a quiet soul reveals trust in God. Because calmness, especially in suffering, reflects the peace of Christ.
St. Augustine writes that “a heart is not quiet until it rests in God.” A quiet spirit flows from a quiet heart. And a quiet heart comes from surrender.
What the Church Teaches Is for Our Good
The Catechism teaches that God created man and woman equal in dignity but different in vocation. Women have been entrusted with something deeply personal: the shaping of souls, the creation of homes, the nurturing of love. These tasks require strength—but a specific kind of strength.
Not noisy, self-promoting strength. But maternal, faithful, enduring strength. It is no coincidence that Mary, the most powerful woman who ever lived, speaks very little in Scripture. But her silence is not empty—it is full of consent to God. Her “yes” changes the world.
St. Thomas Aquinas explains that interior peace is necessary for virtue. A woman whose soul is full of noise—of worry, of bitterness, of fear—cannot grow in holiness. But when she orders her loves rightly, when she serves with peace and lets go of control, she begins to flourish.
Nagging Never Works—Even When It Feels Justified
We’ve all done it. We’ve reminded our husband three times to fix the sink. We’ve pointed out the forgotten laundry, the toys left out, the slouching posture at the table. We mean well. We want good things.
But nagging often reveals a deeper problem: we do not trust that God can work without our help. We are afraid that if we do not say it—again—it won’t get done. That’s a hard truth. I know it because I’ve lived it.
But it is also true that our husbands, our children, and even our friends respond more to encouragement than to criticism. A gentle reminder, spoken once, with peace, accomplishes more than ten sharp comments. Silence, chosen out of love and trust in God, often speaks louder than words.
What to Do Instead—Three Practices That Form the Quiet Soul
You may be wondering, “What do I do instead? How do I learn this quietness of spirit?” It is not a switch to flip. It is a life to cultivate. Here are three practices that have helped me and may help you too:
1. Begin the Day in Silence Before the Lord.
Before the noise begins—before breakfast, books, and babies—give God your first moments. Sit with Scripture. Say a morning offering. Tell Him your fears and hopes. Ask for grace to be quiet. A woman who kneels first speaks with wisdom later.
2. Pause Before You Speak—And Pray.
When the urge to nag rises, pause. Ask yourself: is this the best time? Have I already said this? Will this build up or tear down? If the answer is unclear, say nothing. Whisper a prayer instead. Offer the frustration as a sacrifice.
3. Speak Less, Smile More.
A cheerful smile speaks peace. A gentle voice teaches more than a sharp one. Your children learn from your tone. Your husband responds to your warmth. Choose your words carefully, and use them to encourage.
Sarah’s Strength Was Her Submission—But Not to Abraham Alone
Modern ears bristle at the word “submission.” But Scripture never calls women to blind obedience or weakness. Submission means putting ourselves under God’s order. It means yielding our will to His plan.
Sarah submitted to Abraham—but more deeply, she submitted to God. Her faith was not in her husband. Her faith was in the One who had called her to follow him. She trusted that God could protect her, bless her, and fulfill His promises—without her having to grasp for control.
That is the model we are given. And that is what makes us daughters of Sarah.
Silence Is Not Absence—It Is Interior Peace
Being quiet does not mean being absent. It means being present in a deeper way. A quiet woman is attentive. She listens. She observes. She discerns. She speaks when needed, and she holds her tongue when silence serves better.
Silence allows room for the Holy Spirit. When we stop filling the air with our opinions, complaints, and corrections, we create space for grace.
Jesus Himself was silent before His accusers. He did not defend Himself. He trusted the Father’s will. If He could be silent in suffering, surely we can be silent in inconvenience.
Heaven Is Full of the Quiet Faithful
The saints did not shout their way to Heaven. They followed Christ in silence, in trust, in surrender. Many of them lived lives hidden from the world. But God saw their hearts.
The Blessed Virgin Mary speaks only a few times in the Gospels. But her entire life is a song of praise. Her Magnificat begins with a whisper of glory. And her final recorded words—“Do whatever He tells you”—still echo today.
That is the voice of a woman at peace. That is the model of holy womanhood.
Final Encouragement for the Young Woman Struggling to Be Quiet
Dear sister, I know how hard this is. You are not failing because you struggle. You are growing. And growth takes time.
There will be days when your words come too quickly, when your tone is sharp, when your silence feels forced. Do not give up. Confess. Begin again. God is patient. He is forming you.
Trust Him. Trust Him with your husband, your children, your home, your plans. Be still, and know that He is God.
There is an imperishable beauty that grows in silence. It cannot be bought. It cannot be faked. But it shines. And it pleases the Lord.
May you grow in that beauty. May your heart be calm. And may your silence speak volumes of love.
Mrs. Dania C. Michael, O.P.
Homeschool Support
Classical Liberal Arts Academy
References
Catholic Church. The New American Bible, Revised Edition. Washington, DC: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011. https://bible.usccb.org/
Catholic Church. Catechism of the Catholic Church. 2nd ed. Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1997. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
Aquinas, Thomas. Summa Theologica. Translated by Fathers of the English Dominican Province. New York: Benziger Bros., 1947. https://www.newadvent.org/summa/
Augustine of Hippo. Confessions and City of God. In Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Series I, Vols. 1–3. Edited by Philip Schaff. Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature Publishing Co., 1887. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by W. D. Ross. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1908. https://classicalliberalarts.com/library/nicomachean-ethics-aristotle/
