There is a quiet truth we rarely speak aloud.
Marriage is good. Motherhood is good. God made both. He blesses them. They are the foundation of human society. They are honored in the Church. But they are not, in themselves, the highest form of holiness.
From the beginning, the Church has taught that marriage, while sacred, is a concession. It is a holy way of helping weak men and women avoid greater sin. It gives the body a rightful place, protects souls from temptation, and creates the bonds through which children are welcomed into the world.
But it is not the path of the perfect.
What God Intended in the Beginning
In the beginning, God made man and woman. In the Book of Genesis, we read that God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him” (Genesis 2:18). God then made Eve from Adam’s side and brought her to him. This union, the union of one man and one woman, became the foundation of marriage.
But it was not meant as a cure for sin. At that point, sin had not yet entered the world. Adam and Eve were united in innocence, without shame. Their union was peaceful and fruitful, ordered toward God.
Yet after the Fall, everything changed.
Desire entered. Disorder took root. As a result, the gifts of marriage became remedies for human weakness. What had been a natural unity now became a struggle, and what had been peaceful cooperation now became a school of virtue.
Marriage was no longer just a gift. It became a help for the fallen.
St. Paul Speaks of Marriage as a Concession
In his first letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul speaks plainly. He writes, “It is a good thing for a man not to touch a woman, but because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:1–2). He adds, “I say this by way of concession, not as a command” (1 Corinthians 7:6).
These are difficult words for modern ears. But they are true.
St. Paul does not condemn marriage. He was writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. He acknowledges that marriage is holy, and the marital bond must be honored. Yet he speaks as one who sees the bigger picture.
He knows that the holier way, the more perfect way, is to live wholly for God. As he says later in that same chapter, “An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:32–33).
Marriage is not evil. But it divides our attention.
The Church Upholds Celibacy as the Higher State
The Catechism of the Catholic Church confirms this teaching. It states, “Virginity for the sake of the Kingdom of God is an unfolding of baptismal grace, a powerful sign of the supremacy of the bond with Christ” (CCC 1618). In the next paragraph, it explains that “the Church has always esteemed virginity for the sake of the kingdom as superior to marriage” (CCC 1620).
Why?
Because celibacy is a foreshadowing of heaven. In the Gospel, Jesus teaches that in the resurrection, “they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30). Heaven will be the place where all lesser goods fade in the presence of the greatest Good—God Himself.
Celibacy is not a rejection of marriage. It is a sign of something greater.
The Teaching of St. Thomas Aquinas
St. Thomas Aquinas, writing in the Summa Theologica, lays out the order of life in light of eternal truth. He affirms that marriage is a sacrament and that it serves good purposes: the generation of children, the mutual support of spouses, and a remedy against sin.
Yet he also writes that virginity is better than marriage, because it dedicates the whole person to God. He argues that marriage is ordered to temporal goods—the body, family life, and worldly care—while virginity is ordered to spiritual goods and eternal life.
Therefore, for the person able to embrace celibacy for the sake of the kingdom, that state is better.
But—and this is critical—not everyone is called to that path.
Augustine’s Wisdom: The Hierarchy of Good
St. Augustine, in his work On the Good of Marriage, offers a beautiful and honest treatment of this teaching. He praises marriage. He defends its goodness against those who would scorn it. He speaks of the threefold blessing of marriage: offspring, fidelity, and the sacrament.
Yet even as he defends it, he places it within a hierarchy. Virginity, he says, is a higher good—not because marriage is bad, but because virginity aims more directly at heaven.
He writes, “Marriage and virginity are both good, but virginity is a greater good.” This is consistent throughout Church teaching. There is no contradiction.
Some are strong enough, by grace, to give up the good of marriage for the sake of Christ. Others are not. For them, marriage becomes a holy path of protection, sanctification, and love.
Aristotle, Nature, and Temperance
Even in the writings of Aristotle, who wrote before Christ, we find glimpses of this truth. In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle teaches that virtue lies in the proper ordering of desires. A man who cannot master his passions is not free. The temperate man, by contrast, is ruled by reason and seeks what is truly good.
Marriage, in a fallen world, is one way of helping men and women learn temperance. It gives structure to the desires of the body. It allows for self-mastery through the demands of family life. It turns passion into purpose.
Marriage, when rightly lived, becomes a training ground for virtue. It is not the monastery. But it is a school.
A School for the Weak
We must not be afraid to admit that we are weak. The desire for companionship, for comfort, for union, is deeply rooted in human nature. God knows this. That is why He gave us marriage—not just as a duty, but as a mercy.
If left alone, many would fall. The loneliness would lead to sin. The desires of the flesh would find unholy expression. The will would become warped.
Marriage offers another way. It says, “Come here. Be faithful. Be fruitful. Learn to give yourself for another. Learn to serve.”
It sanctifies what might otherwise condemn.
That is not shameful. It is merciful.
The Wife and Mother in the Path of Humility
A wife and mother, then, must understand her place clearly. She is not less holy than the nun because God does not love her. But her path is different.
She is not called to spend hours in silent contemplation. She is called to feed hungry mouths, to comfort crying children, to serve a husband, and to keep order in a noisy home. These acts, when done for love of God, are sanctifying.
But they are not easy. They are often distracting. The mother must pray while cooking. She must meditate while folding clothes. She must offer spiritual sacrifices through physical exhaustion.
Her road is humble. It is not flashy. It is not chosen because it is most noble, but because it is what she needs.
And God meets her there.
We Live in the Age of Concession
We live in an age where few are strong. The body is glorified. The mind is scattered. The soul is often dull. In such a time, we need mercy more than ever.
That is why God continues to bless the vocation of marriage. He sanctifies it. He uses it. He enters it through the sacraments and raises it beyond what it was in the beginning.
But we must not confuse that blessing with elevation. God does not make marriage the highest way. He makes it a possible way.
It is a rescue for the many, not the reward for the few.
Holiness Through Obedience, Not Glory
Many Catholic wives and mothers feel discouraged. They see others doing great things—founding orders, preaching, writing, teaching. They may feel forgotten.
But holiness does not come from recognition. It comes from obedience.
The Blessed Virgin Mary was silent for most of her life. She cooked meals. She cared for a child. She supported a husband. And she became the Queen of Heaven.
Her greatness lay not in her title, but in her fiat—her yes. She accepted the place given to her by God.
So must we.
The Hidden Martyrdom of Motherhood
There is something very real and very holy in the daily suffering of a mother. She gives up her body, her time, her comfort. She is poured out, again and again.
But this sacrifice is hidden. It is not sung. It is not praised. It is not inscribed on stone.
It is only known by God.
That is why we must not envy those who are called to higher paths. Instead, we must accept the path given to us—and walk it with humility, faith, and gratitude.
The holiest souls are not always the most visible. Often, they are the ones holding laundry baskets and wiping noses.
What We Should Teach Our Daughters
We must teach our daughters to revere virginity. We must speak honestly about the hierarchy of goods. But we must also affirm the mercy of marriage.
Not every young woman can walk the path of a consecrated virgin. Not every young man can become a monk. That is why the Church, like a mother, opens her arms and says, “Come here. Be faithful. Be fruitful. I will walk with you.”
Let our daughters know that marriage is not the easy way. It is the narrow way, made for those too weak to go alone.
But if walked with Christ, it can still lead to heaven.
Conclusion: Mercy, Not Shame
Marriage is not a shameful escape. It is a divine concession—a mercy given to the weak so they can become strong.
The wife and mother who walks her path in humility, trusting God and serving her family, is not lesser in the eyes of Heaven. She is exactly where God placed her. And from that place, she can become holy.
Let us not pretend that we chose marriage because we were holy. Let us say instead: God, in His mercy, gave us this path because He knew we could not yet walk another.
And now that we are here, let us walk it with joy.
Mrs. Dania C. Michael, O.P.
Homeschool Support
Classical Liberal Arts Academy
Notes
Catechism of the Catholic Church. 2nd ed. Vatican: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1997. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
New American Bible Revised Edition. United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Genesis, Corinthians, Matthew. https://bible.usccb.org/
Aquinas, Thomas. Summa Theologica. Translated by the Fathers of the English Dominican Province. New York: Benziger Bros., 1947. https://classicalliberalarts.com/category/summa-theologica/
Augustine of Hippo. On the Good of Marriage. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1309.htm
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by W. D. Ross. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009. https://classicalliberalarts.com/library/nicomachean-ethics-aristotle/
