We Became Mothers Because We Loved Our Husbands
We did not become mothers by accident. Most of us did not begin our journey into motherhood with long-range plans to homeschool, raise many children, or manage a household full of activity and responsibility. We became mothers because we gave ourselves in love to our husbands. That was the beginning.
This origin point matters. We must remember it because the heart of our vocation as homeschooling mothers is not only the care of children but also the love of our husbands. Marriage is not a support system for motherhood. Motherhood is a fruit of the marriage. Therefore, we must be careful not to allow our attention to turn so fully to our children that we forget the man who made us mothers in the first place.
The Silent Weight Our Husbands Carry
In today’s world, Catholic husbands and fathers bear an incredible weight. Some are the sole financial providers for large homeschooling families. The modern economy is built around dual incomes, childless couples, and careerism. Against that tide, our husbands labor every day to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.
Most of them never stop thinking about it. They think about it when they wake up. They think about it on weekends. They think about it in the middle of the night. Unlike us, they cannot “take a break” from provision. If they stop, even briefly, the consequences are immediate and real.
Many of our husbands have no safety net. They may not complain. They may not share their inner worries. But they carry the pressure of being the steady hand behind the scenes, making it possible for us to do what we do at home. Theirs is often a silent, hidden labor. And for that very reason, it is easy to overlook.
The Christian Husband’s Burden Is Sacrificial
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a partnership, but it is not a partnership of equal tasks. Rather, each spouse brings something unique to the union. The husband is called to be the image of Christ the Bridegroom. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her,” St. Paul commands in his Letter to the Ephesians.
This is not sentimental love. It is cruciform love—love that dies to self for the good of others. When a husband gets up early, goes to work every day, carries the weight of financial provision, and returns home tired but willing to help—he is loving as Christ loved.
St. Thomas Aquinas writes that love is “to will the good of the other.” This kind of love does not seek reward. It does not look for comfort. It serves quietly and faithfully, even when exhausted or underappreciated. When our husbands take on this burden of provision, they do so as an act of sacrificial love. We must see it clearly.
Why Nagging and Complaining Are So Destructive
There are many ways we can wound our husbands without realizing it. One of the most common is through nagging. The Book of Proverbs speaks plainly about this: “It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and fretful woman.” Another proverb says, “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike.”
Nagging is not just unpleasant; it is a denial of trust. When we continually correct, demand, or express dissatisfaction with our husbands, we communicate that we do not believe in their strength, wisdom, or intentions. This is deeply disheartening to a man who already carries the burdens of provision and protection.
Instead of correction, our husbands need encouragement. Instead of demands, they need support. Our words are powerful. They can build up or tear down. A kind word of gratitude, a gentle touch, or a smile of admiration can do more to lift a tired husband than hours of rest.
Our Role: Bearing Their Burdens With Love
Because our husbands carry so much, we must strive to carry more at home—not by taking over their work, but by making our homes into places of peace. We cannot always control the external stress our husbands face, but we can shape what they return home to.
The Proverbs 31 woman “opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” She rises early. She feeds her household. She works with her hands. She looks to the future with confidence because she has ordered her home in love.
This is our calling, too. If we want to relieve our husbands’ burdens, we must do our part joyfully. A tidy home, warm food, quiet children, and a wife who smiles at him when he walks in the door—these are not small things. They are powerful comforts to a man who feels the constant pressure of responsibility.
Encouragement Is a Wife’s Sacred Duty
Every man longs to be admired by his wife. He wants to be seen as strong, capable, and worthy. He wants to believe that his sacrifices are noticed. When we thank him, admire him, and speak highly of him to our children, we strengthen him. When we go further—writing notes, praying for him, expressing affection—we give him the fuel he needs to keep going.
This is not flattery. It is the duty of love. St. Augustine teaches that “the reward of virtue is happiness.” If our husbands act virtuously and sacrificially, and we respond with warmth, joy, and support, we help them live out their vocation with joy.
On the other hand, if we are cold, indifferent, or disrespectful, we discourage their virtue. We can accidentally become a source of temptation—temptation to resentment, despair, or withdrawal. This is a heavy truth, but it is one we must face if we are to love well.
What Submission Really Means
The word “submission” can make many modern women uncomfortable. But in the Christian understanding, it does not mean passivity. It means order. St. Paul says, “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Then he adds, “Wives, be submissive to your husbands as to the Lord.”
This submission is not blind obedience. It is a loving acknowledgment of the headship of the husband, not because he is always right, but because Christ has entrusted him with authority. When we respect our husbands, we respect Christ’s order. When we trust their leadership, we give them the confidence to act with courage.
Aristotle writes in the Nicomachean Ethics that every household needs a ruling principle. Just as a ship needs a captain, the family needs a head. When the wife recognizes her husband’s authority and supports it, peace can reign in the home.
Making Time to Love Our Husbands
Homeschooling many children can leave a mother depleted. By the end of the day, we may feel we have nothing left to give. But love does not mean giving everything to everyone else and saving nothing for our spouse.
Oftentimes, loving our husband means going to bed at the same time as he does. It means making a priority in the evening to be with him. It means keeping ourselves cheerful and affectionate when we would rather retreat into silence.
In the early years of our marriage, we practiced something simple but powerful: couch time. When my husband came home from work, we would sit on the couch together for fifteen minutes before doing anything else. The children were trained not to interrupt. This brief moment of connection—eye contact, quiet conversation, shared presence—helped us reconnect after being apart all day. It reminded him that he was not just needed but wanted. It reminded me that I was not alone.
Teaching Our Children to Love Their Father
One of the greatest ways we can honor our husbands is by teaching our children to do the same. We must speak of their father with respect. We must not correct him in front of them. We must encourage them to greet him warmly, thank him for working, and ask for his advice.
Our sons will learn from us how to treat their future wives. Our daughters will learn from us what kind of man to admire. Let them see us serve with joy, speak with gentleness, and submit with peace. Let them witness a home where mother and father are united in love, each honoring the other.
Jesus said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” But a house where husband and wife love each other well can weather every storm.
Bearing Burdens Without Complaint
There is a temptation, especially for homeschooling mothers, to feel forgotten. Our days are long. Our tasks are repetitive. We may compare ourselves to working women who receive promotions, applause, and recognition. In our quiet labor, we may feel unseen.
But the Lord sees.
Jesus taught, “When you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing… and your Father who sees in secret will repay you.” This principle applies to every hidden sacrifice, every unseen diaper change, every long night with a sick child. It also applies to every time we choose not to complain, not to accuse, not to give in to bitterness.
When we bear our daily burdens without complaint, we imitate Christ. St. Peter says, “If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God.” Our willingness to carry the load of our vocation with cheerfulness—even when our husbands do not see it—builds holiness in our souls and peace in our homes.
Restoring the Art of Softness and Cheerfulness
The world celebrates strong women, outspoken women, assertive women. But in the home, strength must be paired with softness. The Proverbs 31 woman is both strong and gentle: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the days to come.”
Too often, we allow stress to harden us. We raise our voices. We sigh. We knit our brows and furrow our faces. We become harsh in tone, impatient with our children, sarcastic with our husbands.
This must not be.
Softness is not weakness. Cheerfulness is not foolishness. These are the qualities that make a woman a refuge in her home. Our husbands often go out to face a cold, demanding world every morning. They return home seeking warmth. They long for the sound of a cheerful voice, the sight of a calm face, the comfort of gentle hands.
St. Augustine once wrote, “Love, and do what you will.” This love must be evident in our tone, our expressions, and our presence. Our husbands need our warmth. They need to feel that they are not a burden to us. They need to know that we are on their side.
Practical Ways to Support and Honor Our Husbands
We may wonder how to love our husbands better. The answer is not complicated, though it may cost us something. Here are simple but powerful ways to strengthen our love:
Thank him every day
Thank him for providing. Thank him for working. Thank him for protecting your family. Expressing gratitude daily helps you notice his sacrifices and encourages his efforts.Speak well of him to others
Speak highly of your husband to your children, your friends, and your relatives. Let them hear you praise his strength, his wisdom, and his work. This honors him and teaches others to do the same. Be quick to come to your husband’s defense if anyone ever speaks badly of him. Don’t stand by idly if people criticize him. Correct the children quickly if they ever complain about him.Do small things for his comfort
Make sure all his clothes are prepared for work. Have his favorite drink ready. Have his lunch prepared. Serve him dinner with a smile. Make the house peaceful when he comes home. Rub his back. Make your goal to make his daily routine nicer. Thoughtful gestures speak louder than many words.Listen to him with attention
When he speaks, stop and look at him. Don’t listen while folding laundry or scrolling your phone. Make eye contact. Let him know his words matter. Be sensitive to his attempts to express his thoughts and concerns. Think about the context he is speaking to you in.Pray for him daily
Offer your prayers, sacrifices, and even frustrations for your husband’s sanctification. Ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen and guide him. Our intercession is a powerful act of love.Guard your tongue
Avoid criticism, sarcasm, or comparison. Don’t bring up past failures. Don’t joke at his expense. Speak to him—and about him—with the respect you would show a king.
These are not grand gestures. They are daily acts of love. When repeated, they shape a marriage of mutual support and affection.
The Example of St. Monica: A Faithful and Patient Wife
One of the greatest examples of spousal love and endurance in Christian history is St. Monica. She was married to a man who was hot-tempered and unfaithful. Yet she bore his faults with humility, never ceased to pray for him, and treated him with gentleness. In time, her love bore fruit—her husband converted before his death.
St. Monica also prayed for years for the conversion of her son, Augustine. Her perseverance was not bitter. It was full of trust. She did not demand quick answers or easy outcomes. She labored in prayer and trusted in God’s timing.
Her example teaches us that a faithful wife is one who suffers patiently, prays consistently, and never gives up on those she loves. Our husbands may have faults. They may struggle to lead spiritually. They may carry wounds from their own upbringing. But our patient love can be a healing balm. Our prayers can draw them closer to Christ.
A Final Reflection: We Are Partners, Not Competitors
In the end, we must remember that our husbands are not our rivals. They are our partners. We are not in a contest to see who works harder, who suffers more, or who deserves more appreciation. We are one flesh.
Jesus said, “The two shall become one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” This unity is the foundation of Christian marriage. When we feel tempted to compare our labor with his, we should stop and remember—we are not keeping score. We are building something together.
The love we give to our husbands is not wasted. It is stored up in heaven. It forms the moral foundation of our home. It strengthens our children. It gives peace to our own souls.
And most importantly, it pleases the Lord.
Mrs. Dania C. Michael, O.P.
Homeschool Support
Classical Liberal Arts Academy
A Traditional Prayer for Wives
Lord Jesus Christ,
who sanctified marriage by Your presence at Cana,
and who poured out Your grace on husbands and wives,
help me to love my husband unselfishly.
Give me a gentle tongue, a cheerful face, and a patient heart.
Let me serve my family with joy and respect my husband with reverence.
Strengthen him in his labor.
Guard him in his trials.
Bless him with peace.
May our union always reflect Your love,
and may our home become a dwelling place for Your Spirit.
Through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
and in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Notes and References
Catechism of the Catholic Church. 2nd ed. Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1997. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
New American Bible, Revised Edition (NABRE). United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. https://bible.usccb.org
Aquinas, Thomas. Summa Theologica. Translated by Fathers of the English Dominican Province. https://www.newadvent.org/summa/
Augustine of Hippo. Confessions and The City of God. Various translations. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by W.D. Ross. https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/
The Holy Bible. Book of Proverbs, chapters 21 and 27.
The Holy Bible. Gospel of Matthew, chapter 6.
The Holy Bible. Gospel of Mark, chapter 10.
The Holy Bible. First Letter of Peter, chapter 2.
The Holy Bible. Letter to the Ephesians, chapter 5.
