It’s common for any parent to hear their children complaining that they are “bored” and that there’s “nothing to do”.
It may be true, in some cases, that parents aren’t doing enough to provide their children with enough activity. Many parents appear to want their children to be quiet and stay out of the way–and those parents get what they deserve. That’s not parenting.
Other parents, however, provide their children with access to far more than most children in the world, or in world history, have access to and find their children complaining that they’re bored.
This can be distressing to parents, but there are a couple of moral issues that needs to be addressed first.
1. Criticism and Idleness
Many children today are being raised as passive spectators, who watch and criticize the works of others. They are raised with an attitude that everyone’s work is subject to their judgment. This begins in the simplest ways, with parents asking children, “Do you like this book?”, “Were those sandwiches tasty?”, “Did you like that movie?”, and so on. Every activity is presented to a child for review and criticism and the child grows up with this view of the world around him. He is the judge and everyone else is to be judged.
These children grow up and cultivate no skills of their own. They will not do so because they assume that everyone will judge their work as they judge the work of others. The cultivation of skills requires study and practice, and benefits from constructive criticism from others. Failures teach valuable lessons and students grow from these experiences, learning what works–and what doesn’t. Children who develop this critical, spectator spirit don’t subject themselves to this criticism and, consequently, don’t develop skills. They like to be alone so that, if they attempt something, no one else sees what they do. If they begin to do something bad, and a parent comments, they respond, “Leave me alone. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”–which is proven false have their reaction.
Without developing skills, these children have nothing with which to make productive use of their time. They need access to other people’s works to watch, judge and comment on and, when you’re a child with no money, you can only access so much. They like the internet because there’s so much free content available to view–and judge.
For example, when I was a child, I liked to draw, I liked to play sports, I liked to exercise. I liked to clean up my Dad’s garage, organize his tools, etc. I liked to cut the grass and sweep the driveway. I liked to play with neighborhood friends. I liked to ride my bike. Surely, I liked to play some video games and watch TV, but not as much as I liked doing other things. My parents supported my interests and gave me things to do. I always had a swingset in the backyard, toys to play with, a bike to ride, bats and balls, etc. My parents put a basketball net in the driveway–and I spent every free minute I had shooting baskets as a teenager. My parents bought me a nautilus machine for Christmas when I was 16. We had a rec room with a pool table and dart board in the house. They bought me a drawing table and supplies to encourage my interest in drawing. They supported my interest in sports and attended my games (Dad even coached at times.). My Dad gave me garage work to do that I could handle, which was helpful. They gave me things to do that I enjoyed–and I did them.
I was not allowed, however, to have a critical spirit and judge others. My family members would have told me, bluntly, to “Get a life.” (or worse) if I sat and criticized what others did. If I would have criticized an athlete or an actor, I would have asked, “Can you do it better?” That spirit of idle criticism was not allowed in my family–and my family wasn’t a Christian family. I lived in a family of working class people who had to earn what they had, and they respected the work of others. I never developed the idle, critical spirit and, to this day, I respect the works of others because I know it’s hard to do things well, and it’s obnoxious to sit and judge. This critical spirit is often learned by imitation, as Mom and/or Dad practice it. We have to make sure that’s not the case.
2. Refusal to Cultivate Useful Skills
Many children are bored because, after they’d refused to learn any good and useful skills, they find that here is nothing else to do–as if they have a right to demand access to resources or activities that others must provide for them. This is spoiled nonsense.
For example, many children decide that they are not going to study a musical instrument, or practice a skill, or give all of their time to studies, or help around the house, or develop a business plan, or exercise regularly, or pray and study the faith, etc.. For many, having chosen to oppose Christianity and all Christian activities, they time available that would normally have been used for devotional activities. They choose to call all of these available and normal activities “stupid” and then complain that “there’s nothing to do”.
When my children say this, I tell them: “You’re wrong. There are many things to do, but you don’t do them.”, or, “You’re bored because you haven’t developed any skills and that has made you a boring person.” They may fuss and complain, but they know I’m right–because it’s true.
3. Selfishness
Selfish children don’t cultivate skills because it takes work to develop them and that work has to come from their own resources. What they like to do, instead, is entertain themselves with activities that demand the time, attention, money and help of others. When told “No.”, these kids will complain that their parents don’t care about them, never help them, ignore them, etc., but this is all false. They are bored because they choose not to do things that are appropriate for their state of life and covet activities that are beyond their reach. When they do get money, for example, they will not use it to pay for the things they say they desire to do, but will waste it. Then, when it’s time to do something, they will ask others to pay for it, and complain if they won’t. They will decide that they want to do something that requires transportation, or requires that they have their own smartphone, or that requires a number of participants–when no one else is interested in these activities. Then, if anyone has the guts to tell them, “No.”, they will complain that there’s “nothing to do”. What they mean is that no one will do for them what they wish.
“You’re bored because you haven’t developed any skills and that has made you a boring person.”
Conclusion
Remember, I started by noting that it is possible that parents may not be providing their children with opportunities and resources they need to pursue productive interests. So, we can’t blame the children without first considering this.
However, when we find our children complaining that they are “bored” or that there’s “nothing to do”, we need to examine and see whether they are causing this to be true by their own lack of virtue. If they wish to sit and judge others and cannot, therefore, develop any skills, that’s their own fault. If they refuse to cultivate any productive skills or interests, that’s their own fault. If they are selfish and wish to sit around planning activities that make demands of others, their boredom is their own fault.
Parents need to make the causes of this problem clear to children and prevent this complaining from growing out of control. Parents are responsible to work and provide for the needs of the family–and that often takes most or all of their time and energy. Parents cannot allow themselves to be falsely blamed for the consequences of their children’s moral choices–and boredom is often one of them.
God bless,
William C. Michael, Headmaster
Classical Liberal Arts Academy
