Today is Friday, December 29, 2024. I hope that all of you living in the United States had a happy Thanksgiving. Over the last couple of days, I’ve posted two talks that I intend to serve as the beginning of a series in which I dig pretty deeply into the subject of the role of parents in classical Catholic education. I’ve talked about a few fundamental issues. I’ve talked about the role of parents and the environment that’s required for classical Catholic education. And in the last talk, I discussed the role of the example of the parents in that work of classical Catholic education.
Today, I’d like to go into a little more practical detail and discuss the environment with respect to the routine of family life and scheduling, because it’s not just the physical environment that is important. When we consider the influence that we place on our children as the primary educators, it’s not just the physical environment, not just the house or the design of the house, even though that’s very important. It’s also the routine of the family life. It’s the order of the family schedule, how time is used in the family, and it’s important to note that this is really something for parents to control—not by trying to create a schedule for the children.
That’s that hypocritical approach to parenting and teaching that I mentioned in a previous talk. It’s not about doing this and doing that and making this rule and that rule, or this schedule for the children. That never works. It’s really about establishing your own routine, your own schedule, your own culture, your own habits, and simply raising your children in the presence of those habits. Again, think of our Lord’s example when he said to his disciples, “Come follow me.” Jesus lived a relatively monastic life. He lived as an individual, taught, served, and suffered as an individual, and yet his followers fill the whole world.
When we look at families, we see that parents fail regularly to raise children to imitate their virtues by trying to form the children rather than model virtues themselves, and in the end, such parents end up doing neither. They neither raise children who imitate their virtues nor enjoy the benefits of those virtues themselves. It’s important to realize that we don’t control the outcome of our parenting. Ultimately, our children, in the exercise of their own free will, will determine what they’re going to do. Our children can choose to imitate us. Our children can choose to be better than us, or our children can choose to reject even the good that we teach them and become wicked.
The model of this rebellion, this potential failure, is always present to us in the person of Judas Iscariot. If you think that if you get everything right in parenting and education, and you get all the right stuff and the right methods and the right books and the right resources, it will necessarily lead to good results, just reflect on the reality that Judas Iscariot lived as a disciple of Jesus Christ. He lived with Jesus Christ, watched Jesus’ daily ministry, saw the miracles, heard the teachings, and still rejected the faith. If it’s possible for one of the disciples of our Lord to reject the perfect example, the perfect teaching, it’s most certain that our children, even if perfectly raised and taught, can choose to throw it all away.
When we consider this possibility, we need to think soberly and realize that while we cannot control the outcome of our children’s lives, we’re ultimately responsible for one thing. We’re responsible for practicing the faith ourselves. That’s what we’re ultimately responsible for.
In my Dominican formation, we learn about the mission of Dominicans to contemplate and to share the fruits of their contemplation. At first, it seems pretty simple. It sounds like you study, and then you teach people. You study and you preach—to contemplate and to share the fruits of that contemplation. But as we learned in our formation, there’s actually much more to that mission than just studying and sharing our learning.
Let me just say at this point, you may hear some yelling and shouting in the background because all my sons are home for Thanksgiving. They’re having some fun out in the front yard while I’m out back in the gardens. But when we learned about the mission to contemplate and share the fruits of that contemplation, we learned that this really doesn’t have much to do with other people. It’s really about us as individuals and our relationship to God.
When we think about the two great commandments that Jesus taught, he taught that the first commandment was to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that relates to the work of contemplation. Contemplation is ultimately directed and motivated by our love of God. It’s our desire to know God. That’s what contemplation is. And so in contemplation, we fulfill the first commandment—we love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Then we come to the second commandment, which is to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is practiced by sharing the fruits of our contemplation, sharing the knowledge of God, sharing our love of God, and serving our neighbor. This work that we do for our neighbor is really not done with a view to any outcome in our neighbor. Again, we can’t control the outcomes, because our neighbors have free will. Our goal in serving our neighbor is not to obtain some outcome.
When Jesus teaches us, “Whatever you do, give and seek nothing in return,” he means our service to others is not done to bring about some result. It’s not done for the sake of the person to whom we offer it. It’s really done for God. We do what we do for God. If a man appears to be poor and he asks for some help, we dig through our pockets, see if we have any money, and offer him some. Some will say, “But you don’t know what that man is going to do with that money. He might be lying. He might use it to buy alcohol or cigarettes.” That’s true, but the reality is that I didn’t share that money thinking I was going to save his life. I did it because I was thinking about God and God’s goodness to me and how I would want God to respond if I asked him for a favor. So I did that good deed, not for the man’s sake, but for God’s sake.
It’s that selfless service that seeks nothing in return, seeks no outcome, but simply does what is right to please God because He deserves our love and service.
When we think about that mission—and by the way, if you’re interested in education, prayer, and preaching the Gospel, I strongly recommend you consider becoming a lay Dominican. That’s a side note, but the formation, community, and graces given to those who become lay Dominicans are really invaluable. If you’re interested in these things, as you likely are if you’re listening to these talks, I strongly recommend that you get in touch with a local chapter or group of lay Dominicans. Spend a year as an inquirer, just learning about the lay Dominicans, and see if it might be something that ultimately draws you.
But as parents, all of this describes our mission: to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves—not for our neighbor’s sake, not for our own sake, but for God’s sake. Like St. Paul talks about “our reasonable sacrifice,” because God is worthy of our love. He deserves our service. In the Act of Contrition, we say He is “all good and deserving of all our love.” That’s what motivates our good deeds. This is the work we do in parenting. It’s Christianity applied to a specific relationship. It’s just Christianity.
Ultimately, what drives our work as parents is our love for God, our desire to know God, to contemplate and grow in knowledge and love for Him, and to honor Him with our service. We do to our neighbor what we would have done to us—for God’s sake. This is really the nature of the work of parenting. It’s really not about the children. It’s not about outcomes in the children’s lives. It’s about us—our own spiritual life, our own relationship with God, our own happiness.
If we learn to think about parenting rightly, we avoid the pitfalls that plague many Christians around us who say the right things, appear to be doing good things, but don’t understand the nature of parenting. They are zealous without knowledge. They claim to be moved by love for their children and love for God, but what often happens is they begin to focus inordinately on outcomes or appearances—what other people see, what other people think. This ultimately leads to all kinds of problems, including problems in their spiritual lives.
For example, when we see Catholic parents turning against the Pope and bishops, following after schismatic, so-called traditional celebrity priests, and similar behaviors, it’s a symptom of a deeper problem. Usually, it’s a Catholic who has sought to take upon themselves the task of producing outcomes that are not in their control, rather than just being obedient and contemplative. When Christians take it upon themselves to realize a certain culture, lifestyle, or feeling, it often leads them into deception, thinking that a desired outcome is good and therefore right. This mentality—the idea that “the end justifies the means”—leads to sinful means, including disobedience or speaking against the Magisterium.
If we focus on outcomes, we fall into spiritual traps. These traps are deceitful because we convince ourselves that we are pursuing something good when, in reality, we are pursuing something unnecessary to our Christian life or salvation. Consider that saints like St. Peter and St. Paul lived in a state of Christian perfection under Emperor Nero, when the Church was still in its developmental stages. There was no established Catholic culture, yet they lived happily and perfectly. This reality condemns any complaints today when Catholics speak against the Pope or act like mavericks in pursuit of a particular culture or aesthetic.
Beware of focusing on outcomes that are not in your control, rather than on actions that are your responsibility. When we talk about the schedule and the routine in the home, let’s not talk about the children. Let’s talk about the Christian adults. What are the Christian adults doing—for God’s sake and for their own spiritual life? Because they create the family culture into which children are born.
The culture of the family is determined by the husband and wife, not the children. I often get asked by young parents, “What should I do to get my children started? I want them to get off to a good start.” What they’re asking for is some kind of academic advice for the children. What I always tell them is: “Establish family culture.” That’s what prepares you to educate your children. It’s about your own life, your own habits, your own culture. You can’t fake it.
If you don’t pray, your children are not going to listen to you talk about prayer. If you don’t study theology, your children won’t either. If you’re a silly person, you’re not going to raise children who are sober. You must establish yourself as the model and say, “Do what Mommy does. Do what Daddy does.”
Establishing Routine and Order
How do we establish this routine? Where do we begin? This, of course, relates to a schedule. It wouldn’t be wise for me to prescribe a rigid schedule with specific times because everyone’s circumstances differ. A father may leave for work at 6 a.m., or he may work from home. A mother might be caring for a newborn. Circumstances will vary, but principles remain universal.
When we talk about scheduling and routine, we must focus on principles rather than details. The Church, in its wisdom, provides a timeless template for ordering our lives: the Liturgy of the Hours.
I know this may sound challenging, but consider this: the Liturgy of the Hours is already a part of the Church’s spiritual life, designed to sanctify the day and unite us with the rhythm of prayer that echoes around the world. Historically, laypeople found it difficult to pray the Divine Office because it required reciting all 150 Psalms every week. It was a demanding practice that only religious clergy and communities could realistically follow. Even Jesuits were excused from praying the full Divine Office because of their active missionary work.
However, the Second Vatican Council sought to simplify and revise the Divine Office to make it more accessible to the laity. The result was the Liturgy of the Hours, a streamlined and flexible structure of prayer designed to sanctify time in alignment with the natural divisions of the day. It allows us to bring our daily lives into harmony with the life of the Church.
The Liturgy of the Hours divides the day into key times: Morning Prayer (Lauds), Midday Prayer, Evening Prayer (Vespers), and Night Prayer (Compline). By integrating these times of prayer into our daily lives, we can create a routine that is both spiritual and practical.
Ordering the Day Around Prayer
Start your day with Morning Prayer. This doesn’t require waking up at a specific time but begins when you rise. Offer your day to God, reflect on what lies ahead, and prepare spiritually for the challenges you may face. Using a prayer book or an app like the Divine Office makes this accessible. Morning Prayer sets the tone for the day.
Midday Prayer marks the second portion of the day. It can coincide with a lunch break, allowing you to pause, reflect, and consecrate the middle hours of the day to God. It’s a shorter prayer than Morning or Evening Prayer, making it easy to incorporate into your routine.
As the sun sets, transition to Evening Prayer, which closes the workday and ushers in the evening hours. Whether you pray alone, with your spouse, or with your family, Evening Prayer helps to bring a sense of closure to the day’s labors.
Finally, before bed, pray Night Prayer. This quiet, reflective prayer allows you to examine your conscience, ask forgiveness for any failings, and entrust your rest to God.
Family and Flexibility
This structure provides flexibility. Not every family member needs to pray at the same time or in the same way. Parents might pray individually, while children observe and join when they’re ready. The goal is to model a life of prayer, not enforce rigid participation.
As children grow up in this environment, they naturally absorb the routine. Even if they don’t embrace it fully, they will have a framework to guide them if they choose to practice their faith more deeply in adulthood.
The Liturgical Calendar and Homeschooling
By following the Liturgy of the Hours, your family life aligns with the Church’s liturgical calendar. This fosters a sense of connection to the universal Church and sanctifies the rhythm of your days and seasons. For homeschooling families, the day naturally divides into morning, afternoon, and evening blocks. This provides clear periods for academics, chores, and relaxation, all anchored by prayer.
Parents might begin with the major hours—Morning and Evening Prayer—and gradually incorporate Night and Midday Prayer. Over time, you may add the Office of Readings, which offers longer Scripture passages and readings from the Church Fathers.
Practical Advice for Beginners
- Start Small: Begin with Morning and Evening Prayer. Use a phone app or a prayer book for guidance.
- Be Flexible: Adjust the timing to fit your family’s schedule. The principle is to pray, not to adhere to strict times.
- Model, Don’t Mandate: Focus on praying yourself. Invite children to join you over time.
- Stay Consistent: Even if circumstances disrupt your routine, return to prayer as soon as possible.
The Long-Term Benefits
The Liturgy of the Hours offers more than spiritual nourishment. It provides order and peace, especially in the chaos of family life. Parents who pray regularly set an example of faith that children cannot help but notice. Over time, this forms a deeply rooted culture of prayer that influences the entire household.
For homeschooling parents, the Liturgy of the Hours divides the day into manageable segments, preventing the overwhelm of an unstructured schedule. Each part of the day has its purpose, and prayer anchors the family in Christ.
A Final Encouragement
If this concept is new to you, don’t feel overwhelmed. Start small, pray for God’s guidance, and take one step at a time. Reach out if you need help or resources. As a lay Dominican, I can offer practical advice on incorporating the Liturgy of the Hours into a busy life.
Remember, this is not about achieving perfection but about creating a rhythm of life that draws you closer to God. Over time, you’ll see how prayer shapes not only your schedule but also your heart, your family, and your faith.
God bless you, and in our next talk, I’ll discuss practical homeschooling schedules and how to balance education with family responsibilities. Together, we’ll explore how to live out our vocation as Christian parents with joy and purpose.
