The transcription below was provided by otter.ai and formatted by ChatGPT.
When we look at the Gospels, one of the most interesting teachings is the parable of the prodigal son. In this parable, we meet a father with two sons. One son is relatively good, while the other seems to be evil. The evil son chooses to leave his father’s home to pursue his own pleasure. The good son stays home and continues to work with his father. If someone took a snapshot of that father’s life, they might say he raised one good son and one bad son. But the story goes on, revealing that although the bad son had gone away, he had good thoughts.
As he pursued pleasure, he was disappointed and learned the lesson his father likely taught him: that the way of sinners is hard, as the Old Testament teaches. The reason we should seek virtue and live according to God’s will is not just to avoid going to hell but to be truly happy. The son must have been taught this message repeatedly by his father. If the father had allowed him to live sinfully at home, there would have been no reason to leave. He left to escape the moral restrictions of his family, learning the hard way that the pursuit of inordinate pleasure is not a source of happiness but of misery. He needed to learn that by his own experience.
As he continued in his pursuit, day by day, he encountered experiences that confirmed what he was taught at home. Even though he was doing bad things, he was learning the truth. The truth was being confirmed in him in a way that could never have been achieved by his father’s teaching alone. The son who stayed at home seemed to be a good son. The father was pleased with him and grieved by the son who left. If we took a snapshot of that father’s life at that point, he would be quite unhappy, knowing his son was lost in the world. For a loving parent, there can be no rest while a child is away, morally speaking. The father had to live with that nagging concern for his son.
Later on, the son finally learns his lesson. He gets to a point where he has suffered all he could stand. He became persuaded by necessity that the way of sin was not only hard but impossible. He reached a point where he ran out of money. Sustainability is always the problem of pleasure seeking. The way of virtue is sustainable, happy, productive, and positive. The way of vice is unsustainable, and eventually, a vicious person ends up with nothing. This son reached that point. His situation seemed to go from bad to worse, but in reality, it went from worse to better. Losing his money meant losing his ability to pursue pleasure, forcing him to choose one of two options. Some might say he had no choice but to return, but that’s false. He had other options, including the possibility of killing himself.
His father’s fear was that this son would go from bad to worse and destroy himself. The father likely prayed and made offerings to God for his son, just as Job did for his children. The father knew nothing about his son until the day he saw him walking up to the house. The scene that follows is one of the most moving and beautiful in literature, not just in Scripture. The father runs to his son, throws his arms around him, and kisses him. For the father, who was constantly thinking and worrying about his son, it was an unexpected and joyous moment. The best situation had come to pass: “My son was dead and is alive again.”
Before that day, for all intents and purposes, the father had a son who was dead, at least in terms of their relationship. But on this day, the situation changed from worse to better, from worst to best. The father didn’t just receive good news about his son; his son actually came home. The father rejoices, calls for his servants to prepare a feast, and they celebrate.
Then Jesus tells us about the other son. We can imagine his reaction, which is reasonable. The other son couldn’t think of his brother the way the father did. The brother who stayed home had to bear the burden of the lost brother, doing extra work and making sacrifices. He might have lost some respect in the community because of his brother’s shameful actions. When the prodigal son returned, the other son might have felt happy to see him but was surprised at his father’s response. The father’s reaction was comparable to a heroic son’s return, and the good son was angry.
At that point, the father speaks to the good son, saying, “I understand what you’re thinking and how you feel, and you’re right. But your brother was lost and has been found again. He is alive.” The father encourages the other son to rejoice with him and celebrate because the whole family’s situation is now good. We see in the other brother the vice of envy. He is angry to see his brother receiving good things when he believes his brother deserves bad things.
We can imagine that the repentant brother is overwhelmed by his father’s response. Jesus teaches that “He who is forgiven much loves much.” The relationship between the prodigal son and his father would have changed. Sometimes it takes repeated experiences of love to believe that love is real. The other son, seeing his father’s forgiveness, surely looked at his father differently and recognized his virtue.
We can imagine the father and his sons celebrating together, realizing that everything is well again. Someone taking a snapshot at that moment would capture a very different picture from before. Our Lord presents this story as normal life, focusing on the father and saying, “That’s how God acts when a sinner repents. This is normal life.” There are good times, terrible times, fallen-away children, lost sons, envious sons, restored sons, repentant sons, joyful times. As long as the end is joyful, the process doesn’t matter.
When it comes to Christian parenting, many parents are terrified of the snapshots taken throughout their family life. They start their families, have children, and are obsessed with how others see them. They want every snapshot to appear happy and beautiful. But this is usually temporary, unsustainable, and shallow. Parents are good at maintaining appearances when children are young, but as they grow older, reality sets in. The challenge comes with independence and the transformation of a child into a young adult.
The real measure of good parenting comes when you shake your adult child’s hand and say, “Take care.” Influencing adults who are free to make their own choices is the true test. This influence is much more complicated than controlling a young child. It takes real virtue, love, and patience to persevere. The only parent who can persevere is the one who constantly thinks of the final picture and is filled with the virtue of hope.
Many parents focus on short-term appearances rather than long-term realities. This attitude can lead to decisions that destroy relationships with their children and lose influence in their lives. When parents care more about what outsiders think than their responsibilities to their children, the children see that. They see that their parents’ relationships with outsiders are more important than their relationship with them. This can lead to children feeling abandoned, even if they are physically present.
It’s very difficult to stay focused on the final family picture and ignore other snapshots. But that’s the real work of Christian parenting. We’ll have to deal with others taking snapshots of our family and sharing them to bring us dishonor. It’s a great evil and very provocative. We’ve got to learn to despise that shame and accept the uncomfortable situation.
True parents must accept the challenges and focus on the final happy picture. This perseverance, love, and focus on the end goal is what makes good Christian parenting. It’s not about controlling young children but about maintaining influence in the lives of free, independent adults.
As I said before, it’s the invisible influence of love, real love. That’s what ultimately controls independent children. And by God’s grace, it inspires them to come home, figuratively speaking, knowing that they’ll be received and forgiven. Despite all their failures and sins, they know that their parents have always been loyal to them, always preferring them over any other relationship. This realization brings them home in the end, which is all that matters.
As they go through young adulthood, they test the waters, explore the world, and indulge their pleasures. But they quickly learn that God made them for much more. These pleasures leave them feeling miserable, shallow, and empty. They know there is much more available, but it takes time. It takes time for kids to enter adulthood, get their own legs underneath them, establish their own adult lives, and put the pieces in place one by one.
Often, kids will feel that religion can be done last, thinking it can be the final piece put in order. There is a reason for that; they know that God will receive them whenever they turn to Him and confess their sins. We’ve taught them their whole lives that Christ came into the world to save sinners, that God is full of mercy and will always forgive. They go to confession and see the ease with which the priest absolves their sins. They realize forgiveness is actually easy, making it their last concern amid all other uncertainties and stresses.
It’s reasonable for kids raised in religious families to think of religion as something that can be taken care of at any time. While not necessarily right, it’s understandable. If they wait until the end to go to God, they will be met with mercy. The priest would likely rejoice to see them, and they would receive a warm and gratifying reception back into the church. This is also why they take advantage of their parents. They know loving, generous, and forgiving parents can be mistreated more than a girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, or professor. They understand they can mistreat their parents and get away with it because of their parents’ generosity and patience.
In the young adult mind, scrambling in what I call survival mode to get their lives together as adults, it makes sense why they treat Christian parents or the church as a last concern. It’s really true. Again, not that they should think like that, but it’s understandable why they would. When we see them acting like that, we must avoid overreacting and realize that it’s common for people to take advantage of Christ because He’s so good, patient, and merciful. He’s not afraid of being dishonored; He’ll be there. And that’s why He gets mistreated, because people know that.
Gentlemen are always mistreated because they’re gentlemen. Women are less likely to talk back to a husband who they know will punch them square in the face. They will be much more aggressive and disrespectful towards a husband who they know will never hit a woman. A gentleman will always be taken advantage of, and that’s part of being a gentleman. The same is true with parenting and religion. God will always be taken advantage of because He’s merciful. Good parents will always be taken advantage of because they’re merciful. We can understand why kids will do that and shouldn’t overreact when we see them doing it.
If we stay focused on the final picture, making patience our superpower, we realize that love never fails while everything else will be proven inferior in time. Look at what happens in life. Many people are terrible as teenagers or young adults, then we find those same people in their 30s or 40s, and they’re fine. Think of all the hippies at Woodstock in the 60s, foolish, immoral, drinking, using drugs, sexually promiscuous, filthy. Where are they now? They’re lawyers, doctors, bankers, accountants, housewives. The way of sin is not sustainable. There are many mechanisms in place to allow young adults to live foolishly, like student loans, but all that is temporary. It all runs out, and you have to pay your dues.
We have to understand how real life works. Think of our own lives; we likely did similar things to some degree. That’s how life works, and we must learn not to overreact. Most importantly, when our kids are growing up, especially in the teenage years and young adult years, it’s life or death serious. We have to be careful not to care more about our appearance than the reality of our relationship with our children. The only way to influence them when they’re independent and going through their foolishness is by having deep, loving, proven relationships with them. There’s no way to fake that. Respect and love must be earned.
Many Christian parents are more concerned about their church community, friends, social media followers, or coworkers than their own kids. They may have nice pictures on their desks at work or in the house of their little kids, but the relationship required to maintain Christian influence in the lives of their independent adult children isn’t being built. The final picture for them is unlikely to be a good one.
This doesn’t mean that kids run off the rails because they have bad parents; that would be fatalistic and untrue. Many kids get away from their families, live happily, and turn back to God later in life, sometimes in spite of their parents. It’s about parents missing the opportunity to experience the joy of the father in the parable of the prodigal son. This should motivate us to imitate God in parenting, check ourselves, and ensure we’re not content with shallow, selfish, short-sighted appearances. You can’t fake real parenting.
I hope that’s helpful. God bless.
Mr. William C. Michael, O.P.
Headmaster
Classical Liberal Arts Academy
Enjoy this article? Take a moment and share it with friends.
