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The Dangers of Mommy Culture

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Introduction:  The Danger of Mommy Culture

Today is Monday, June 25. And I’m going to use my walk time today to talk about a topic that I’ve been talking to my wife about for 22 years now. It’s a topic that’s always been central to our discussions as a married couple, to what I believe has been my duty, as head of household and as her husband. My wife, as a woman living in modern American society, is constantly under assault by false ideas about her own role in the world, about the family, about relationships within a family, and so on. It takes a great deal of teaching, discussion, and arguing to get through these issues, because the roots of modern errors have reached very deep into the soil of our lives; and it’s very difficult to discern these problems. To understand the causes of problems, whose symptoms we can see in our lives, we must get to the roots of these problems and root out the causes. 

Now I know that this talk is probably going to be quite controversial. I’ve even warned in the past that I didn’t know if I could do this talk, because I expected that the backlash would be pretty nasty. But I’ve been encouraged by my friends, by listeners and by my wife to get this discussion started. And so I’m going to dig into it today. The topic, the way that I’ve always described this with my wife, is what I call “mommy culture”.  And the title of this talk is going to be “The Danger of Mommy Culture”.

Now I’ll admit, before I get started, that I don’t like the fact that I’m going to be talking about problems that arise from the way that women think and act, especially about how Christian women, that is Christian mothers, think and act because I don’t want to pick. I don’t want to pick on mothers. I know that one of the first reactions to this talk is going to be, well if my husband, this or that, then I could this or that. And it’s true. It’s true. There are problems on the male side that are even greater. I plan to slowly work topic by topic through all these different issues. Some of them are simple and we can get into them.  For others, we’re going to have to take time to prepare; for we’re going to have to establish ideas one by one so that we can lead up to the complexity that the discussion requires, because we can’t introduce that discussion in our first talk. It simply wouldn’t make enough sense, and we wouldn’t have established the prerequisite steps that the ultimate topics require. But in this talk, I’m going to take up the topic of mommy culture and focus on Christian mothers because I am working in classical Catholic education and focusing on homeschooling. Much of my work deals directly with Christian mothers. And I’d like this talk to be helpful. I know it will be challenging. But I intended in the long run, to be helpful. I think if mothers can be honest, they’ll agree with the things that I have to say.

I want to make sure that as I discuss this topic, you realize that the solution to the problems that I’m going to discuss, are complicated.  They’re going to take time. We can work on these things step by step. But what I want to try and cut off as early as possible, are the negative effects of these things so they don’t affect the children in a harmful way. Because you can get your act together, even if it’s in 10 years from now. But that’s not going to change the experience of your older children and the influence of errors in their lives have effects that remain with them, even if you change down the road. While God will always judge us based on our current state, if we turn from our sins, confess them and forsake them, he promises to be merciful to us to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, as Scripture says.  But our repentance, our absolution, and our salvation, doesn’t change the experience of the people who are affected by our sins. And that’s why we have to try and get to these issues as soon as possible, even if the remedy for them will take some time.

So the title again, is the dangers of mommy culture. And this is going to take me some time to unpack.  As I said, this is a topic that my wife and I have discussed throughout our entire 20 plus years of marriage. It’s a topic that she has struggled with; not because there’s something wrong with her but because the influences that promote these errors are so deeply rooted in our society. They’re so pervasive, they’re everywhere we turn. And it’s very difficult for women to separate themselves from them. It’s difficult for women to examine them. Because it’s a system and a culture that women have been born into and have lived in. It’s the air that they’ve breathed, for their entire lives in this society. It’s hard for them to imagine a different way. And so it’s difficult, and I’m going to get into it piece by piece in a way that I think will be most helpful, and I anticipate negative responses. But like Jesus says, you’ll know them by their fruits. The fruits of modern Christian family life look pretty bad. I’ve seen it even in my own family. The effects of many of these errors are difficult to keep out of Christian homes, no matter how hard we try. It’s just a fact of life. But we have to try.  That’s the challenge that we face. We have to do all that we can. It’s one thing to lose a battle. It’s another thing not to fight.

Three Principles of Human Morality

You Shall Not Steal

So let’s get into this. And let’s start in a superficial way. Because I’m going to assume that most of the women who will be listening to this talk have a lot in common. I’ll assume that almost all of them are Catholic women. I’ll assume that almost all of them have, what would be considered, conservative political opinions. And so I’m sure that most of the listeners will be familiar with some ideas in modern society, and that they’ll actually be opposed to these ideas.  They’ll actually consider themselves, opponents of them. First, one of the chief opponents of Christians, especially Catholics, in the past century, has been communism and socialism. And it’s very common for Christian men and women in American society to be arguing against communism and socialism; because it’s argued that the ideas on which this political or economic system are based are not Christian ideas. We go to the sacred scriptures, and we read in the 10 commandments: Thou shalt not steal. When we read that commandment, we know that God believes in private property. And God commands us to respect others’ private property. We’re not allowed to take things; we’re not allowed to steal. So there is surely such a thing as private property.  It’s protected and enforced by the 10 commandments, the very foundation of Christian morality. If we want something, we have to work for it. When we work for it, by honest means, and obtain it, we have a right to call it our own. We have a right to say, this is mine and you’re not allowed to take it. You shall not steal.

Pay Taxes to Whom Taxes are Due

At the same time, with that established, we see in Sacred Scripture, which is divine revelation, that God recognizes the authority of human governments. Jesus Christ came into the world and lived within the Roman Empire. He submitted himself to its laws. He paid taxes when taxes were due. He taught his disciples, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s.” Jesus taught his disciples to respect human government, to pay taxes and that this idea of taxation does not violate the commandment against stealing. The government has legitimate authority from God to collect taxes, and to punish those who do not pay required taxes.

If Anyone will not Work, Neither Shall He Eat

Thirdly, again in the New Testament, we read St. Paul teaching, that if a man will not work, neither shall he eat. This teaching establishes a principle that says that no one has a right to food without work. No one has a right to food, without work. It’s absolutely true that everyone has a right to the food and drink and all other resources that are produced by the earth, which God created and made fruitful, so fruitful. There’s always an abundance above and beyond any human needs. And yet no man living on the earth has a right to the produce of the earth, unless he shares in the work that’s required to make the earth fruitful. Going back to the book of Genesis, God said, “By the sweat of your brow, you shall eat your bread.” And it’s worth noting that he said this, not to Eve, but to Adam. “By the sweat of your brow, you shall eat your bread.” Work is a penitential act that’s to be undertaken voluntarily. And God has made it so that the world produces its fruits with human labor.

So we can establish these three principles of human morality as regards personal possessions: you shall not steal, pay taxes to whom taxes are due and if anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. St. Paul goes even further to say, work that you may share, work that you may share. So we can get a good picture of God’s will, regarding work, private property rights, and government authority, a very clear Christian view of work, private property and government authority. Christians get upset when governments propose socialist ideas because it appears that the government is getting rid of one of those principles, namely, “If any man will not work he shall not eat.” It seems like the government, especially in democratic societies, where the men who don’t work are still valuable, because they bring votes on election day. Politicians are willing to campaign for political positions that promise food and much more to men who will not work; not to men who cannot work.  For men who cannot work deserve charity, but men who will not work do not. And this appears to be a principle that’s working behind the scenes in socialism and communism. Therefore many Christians revolt against it as immoral or anti-Christian; and they’re right. In Socialism and communism, attempting to distribute wealth regardless of individual willingness to work, is unjust and will ultimately destroy the morale of working men in a society.  Now, who cares about socialism?

Be Like the Virgin Mary

I go through all this only to establish something that we can use for a comparison, because the topic of this talk is the dangers of mommy culture. I remind you again, as I get into this, that I know this is going to be offensive and difficult to swallow. But what I ask is that you be like the Virgin Mary.  When she encountered difficult doctrine or difficult events, what did she do? Scripture says she pondered all these things in her heart. That’s how a virtuous woman responds to either new teachings or confusing teachings, or to events she’s not certain about.  And I ask you to respond to what I have to say in the same way; don’t say anything, just just listen. Keep it in your mind, and just continue to chew on it day by day. Just chew on it.

The Order of the Family

And here’s what I’d like to say. While we can see the evil present in socialism, and many Christian women are eager to oppose socialism as they should, what they don’t see is that the family, or the household, is a state of its own.  A family is a state. A nation is simply a confederation of families. The family is the basic political unit of human society. Just as God has established government authority that permits governments to command the payment of taxes, and that obedience to this authority is a pillar of Christian moral philosophy, in the same way, God has commanded that a man be the head of his household, who commands the obedience of all of the members of his household, including his adult wife. Now in our modern society, this can be scoffed at. Women can roll their eyes at this. Women can stomp their feet about it and complain and start making excuses and raising objections. But it’s a fact. It’s a fact.

Xenophon’s Household Economics

The order of the family is as essential to Christianity and to human happiness, which is the end of Christianity, as any other command that God has ever given to us. The order of the family is just as important, if not more important, than the order of the state. And so when we consider how much zeal is poured into disputes about American politics and economics, we have to step back and wonder why similar zeal is not devoted to household politics and economics. This leads us to our topic, the topic of mommy culture; the way the household is intended to operate, according to God’s will. This is not, as many suggest, the idea of some Jewish leaders or some Christian apostles in the first century. The order of a household is so evident that it was explained and taught by pagan philosophers 300 years before the Christian church was even established. The Greek philosopher Xenophon wrote a book titled, Household Economics. This book was the work of philosophy, which, by the means of observation and human reason, explained how a household should be ordered. This is not a Christian idea and this is not an idea that depends on a pre-existing Christian faith. This is not something that makes sense if you’re a Christian, but not if you’re an unbeliever. This is something that makes sense to anyone with reason, who examines the issue and allows the truth to take them where it will.

Our society, in its rejection of Christian household order is unreasonable. It’s irrational. It’s contrary to nature, contrary to human experience, and contrary to human happiness. It’s not a source of liberation. It’s not a source of greater prosperity. It’s not a source of improved health or culture. It destroys the lives of the members of the household. Because it’s contrary to how things actually work. Now we live in a generation that’s unreasonable and unnatural. And again, many will complain about this at the political level. They’ll complain against abortion, because it’s contrary to God’s will. And that should really be our only argument against it, is that it’s simply immoral. Once Christians go into other arguments, they end up saying lots of stuff that isn’t true. They make arguments that are not sound and they lose in public discussion because they go into issues that they shouldn’t go into. It says if David went to fight with Goliath, and when Goliath came out with his sword, and David pulled out his sling, Goliath mocked David with his sling and stones. Imagine if David would have said, Yeah, you’re right. This is pretty stupid, and would have gotten a sword instead. No. When Christians try to fight the world, with their own weapons, they irrationally lay aside their superior weapons and then they lose on many different issues.

The Order of the Household is Established by God

When we look at the household, there is an order established by nature, established by God Himself. And our happiness depends on our efforts to bring that true order into actual experience in our household. Now, this is a spectrum. This is the idea of the spectrum is popular nowadays. But there is an ideal that we would call perfection. And then we all exist, our families and our households all exist at some different point along this spectrum, from total disorder and chaos, to perfection, of household order. No matter where we’re at, no matter what our circumstances are, we should all have our eyes fixed on the perfection of household order and we should be examined our examining ourselves, and challenging ourselves to do all that we can to move our household closer to perfection. 

Do not repay anyone evil for evil

If someone in the household doesn’t do their part, we’re not justified to throw off our part. And this is the argument that many make in modern society: “Oh, well, my husband doesn’t do this. Therefore, I decided no.” No, that’s not how it works. That’s not how it works.  Another Christian principle of moral of moral behavior is, you do not return evil for evil. In common morals, we say, “two wrongs don’t make a right”. If someone does something wrong, the situation is not improved by someone else doing something wrong. The situation is improved by everyone else, continuing to do their job. Because when they do their job, it will highlight the effects of the failure of someone else to do their job by doing our job and minding our own business, staying in our own lane, and making sure that our work is done. The reality that the other person’s neglect is the cause of trouble will become clearer and clearer. And that will force them to either change their behavior or at least admit that they’re not willing to do so, no matter how clear the evidence is that the problem is with them. And what to do next is a totally different issue because all kinds of questions arise when someone chooses or when someone refuses to fulfill their role in the household. This, for example, could be the grounds of the enjoyment of a marriage. This could even be criminal. So that’s a totally separate subject. But in this talk, what I want to focus on is something I call “mommy culture”.

Odysseus, the Shepherd of His People

The order that God establishes for the household establishes a man as the head of the household. He is given authority over his wife and children. That authority is given by God for the fulfillment of God’s will. It’s not given to man by God. So that man could build for himself a man cave where his wife becomes a waitress. His kids become servants. The authority is given to a man so that the happiness of all members of the household can be served to the greatest degree possible. It’s also given to the men, because the burden of providing for the needs of all of the members of the household is placed on his shoulders. So any man who wants to claim his authority, as head of the household, also needs to claim his responsibility as provider for that household. This is why, if we read ancient writings, like Homer’s Odyssey, we’ll see Odysseus referred to as the King of his people andd also as the shepherd of his people. He is the ruler, but he is also the provider, the protector, the caregiver, his authority to rule is based on his responsibility to feed his people, to protect his people. That’s the grounds for the authority to command. So that the man is given authority as the head of the household, upon his shoulders is placed the burden of working to provide for the needs of his wife and his children, not just for his children, but for his wife, and children. Because he bears this responsibility, God also gives him the authority to make the rules for the household.

This authority to make the rules for the household is owed to the fact that as the man works to provide for the family, he seeks to ensure that the good of all members of the family are protected. He’s governing his household, so that the good of all is promoted the common good, as we say. So for example, if let’s say there are four children, and mom comes home from the grocery store, and she buys a gallon of milk. And the eldest son grabs the gallon of milk and drinks half the gallon. And there are still three other children, plus mom and dad who haven’t had a drop yet. The father makes the rule that no one takes anything out of the refrigerator. But that mom will give to each person at scheduled meal times, that there’s no snacks between meals, not just as a free exercise of authority, not so that he can drink half a gallon of milk. But so that everyone gets a share, and the needs of all members of the family are provided for the rule is for the common good. If one child is strong, and another child is weak, the father doesn’t just throw the family provisions to the children and let them fight over them like roosters or dogs; they’re distributed equally. That’s the nature of the rules of the household.

If the father’s work requires that he be up at a certain time, eat at a certain time, leave the house at a certain time, come home at a certain time, get to bed at a certain time, and so on, and that the needs of all of the members of the family depend on his ability to maintain In this responsible, profitable daily routine, the rules of the home are based on the needs of the father’s work routine. The mother does not wake up in the morning and decide when she wants to get up what she wants to make for breakfast, when meals will be served, what the schedule will be. Because if she does, so you’ll have the head of the household working to provide while the household runs in its own direction. This is unnatural and this is contrary to the happiness of the family. It is contrary or detrimental to the common good and this is the origin of what I call “mommy culture”.

Now, in society, and I’m talking about casual society, there are all kinds of sayings that are not serious. But they’re prevalent. sayings like a mother knows what’s best for her children. Nothing can beat, a mother’s love. There’s this culture that shines a spotlight on women on mothers, and suggests that they have some sort of omniscience or mysterious wisdom that leads them to know what the rules should be, how life should be. And this is contrary to the true order of the household. In modern society, it often happens like this father, is seen as the source of provision. He’s expected to go to work, he’s expected to earn a paycheck. And he’s expected to hand that paycheck over to his wife. The wife then takes that paycheck, and operates with a certain assumption that she has a right to run her house the way she wants to. And what happens in the house is a culture is created, that’s ordered around the mother instead of the Father. And this culture that develops is what I call mommy culture. This culture undermines the good of the household. This culture treats the father, as I said, as if he’s merely a source of a paycheck. And once that money is obtained, he can go find something to do to entertain himself, because he’s not needed for anything else. Unless maybe the grass is growing and needs to be cut or the sink is leaking, and needs to be repaired, then he can go and work on that. So his job is to work to make money and to hand that money over to the mother who then takes it and runs her household as she pleases.

What happens in this household and this is common in Christian households. What happens in this household is that a mini socialist state develops. The mother sets herself up as the government. The father is treated like the working man. And the children are treated like like voters in a welfare state. Mommy takes the money from the working class and distributes it among those who don’t work as she pleases. And in turn, the children like welfare voters surround mommy 24 hours a day. Because she’s their ruler. She’s their son. She’s their God, as it were. She gives them what they need, according to her own opinion, what she thinks they should have, what she thinks they should eat, the clothes, she thinks they should wear, the education she thinks they should receive, especially in homeschool circles. And the idea is that the mother knows best. And so when we talk about the household, she is seen as the head of the actual household. And the culture that develops is what I call “mommy culture”.

And what it really is, is a small welfare state, at the domestic level, the morals that the children learn are the same as those that the people on welfare learn in the ghetto cities, the morals are the same. You eat first, and work later, maybe. But you always eat, because you have a right to your breakfast, to your lunch to your dinner, to your play times, to your toys, to your trips to the park, on and on, the children are treated as if they have rights to things without any work. The mother herself act as if she has a right to the use of the household resources without having earned them herself. The husband is told that he has a duty to provide that is to work to earn, but he has no right to use those things that he has earned. And in this, we see that he is actually denied his right to private property, which is the ground of his authority to govern the household, the husband is being denied his right to possess and manage the resources that he worked to earn. And what we have here, as I said, is the same socialist system that that same mother might argue against when it’s time to talk politics. This is what I call “mommy culture”.

This is the culture that can be described in terms of Sacred Scripture as spoiling children. What does it mean to spoil the children?  To spoil the children means to give them access to resources that they have not earned. It means to teach children that they have a right to possessions that they do not work for. It teaches them that they may eat even if they will not work. It teaches them that they do not need to earn their bread by the sweat of their brow, but that they have a right to free bread. Why? Because they’re mommy’s little babies. In the same way that the welfare voters are the little babies of those politicians who promise them the world. When really, the only way that they can get it is to take it from others unjustly and there are many Christian households that operate just like a socialist state would operate. And as I said, What’s most curious about this is that the mothers in these homes are often very outspoken. capitalistic Pro free market, pro democracy, pro Republican, and in recent times pro Trump Americans, and yet, the operation of their household and their own behavior in their household is an example of every moral evil that they claim to be opposed to, at the state, or federal level of government.

Now, this principle of mommy culture often begins with pregnancy and childbirth, and nursing. A woman gets married, it’s very clear at the time of a marriage that the husband is taking on the role as head of the household. This can be seen by the fact that the wife is renamed and she takes the last name of her husband, because she, like all of her children, is a part of his household. And the imagery at the wedding, is very clearly in line with the biblical teaching. And of course, the liturgy and ceremony presents this image, the woman doesn’t strut down the aisle, as some kind of independent American woman. She is brought down the aisle by her father, who is supposed to be her head at the time of the wedding. And she is handed over by her father, to her husband. Her husband then vows before God, and before all who are present at the wedding ceremony to be to her a husband. And there’s always references to the image of Christ and His Church. All of the symbolism at the wedding ceremony is sound. And Christian, the woman is presented to the husband as the church is to Christ. Not as an equal, not as an equal, but as the church is to Christ. Her role in the relationship is comparable to that of the church. His role is comparable to that of Christ. This is all present in the wedding ceremony. They say their vows exchange rings, the priest pronounces them officially married in the sight of God pronounces them man and wife, and they go off as Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith. In the old days a woman would even be referred to by the first and last name of her husband, would be Mr. john smith and Mrs. john smith. The imagery was even clearer than it often is today. The husband knew his role. The wife knew her role in our society.

Pregnancy, the Unraveling of the Relationship

Pregnancy becomes the unraveling of this relationship. Once the woman becomes pregnant. The family then shifts into a different gear. And we have this modern image of the out of control, chaotic, pregnant woman and the husband running around in every direction fetching her. Anything that she craves or calls for this whole image is manufactured. This whole image is absolutely unrealistic and unnecessary. But this is the image of the husband, who now is transformed from the man After whom the family takes its name, who receives this woman from her father, and leads her away as his wife, to now all of a sudden, she is some kind of Queen. And he is a court servant running around, trying to find out where he can find olives at two o’clock in the morning. And this whole thing, this whole relationship begins to unravel with pregnancy, again, not because of anything necessary to pregnancy, but because our culture simply gives the woman permission to take over the household, when she becomes pregnant. It goes from that, to the actual childbirth, and then into the nursing period.

And now we have theories, and philosophies about breastfeeding and nursing and feeding children, and all these different topics. And these, these issues are not subjected to the head of the household to study through and make judgments on to lead his family. But there’s they’re submitted to the woman. And she’s allowed to pick whatever theory or whatever philosophy or whatever idea or method she likes, and establish that as necessary. operation in the household, and the husband, again, is subjected to the role of servant. So much so that we now have to argue in our society that men must have maternity leave. Because there’s so much work for them to do when their wives give birth. There wasn’t 50 years ago, there was never such a need at any time in world history. But now in the modern age, men cannot work when a woman gives birth. And what’s interesting is seeing that the work, which is the man’s essential responsibility, is now challenged, as if his pursuit of it is selfish, or irresponsible or unloving.

The mother is now the judge of the Father, the wife, the judge, of the husband. And the household starts to be turned upside down. And this takes place, as I said, at the time of pregnancy, childbirth, and into the nursing period. Once the mother claims these children as her own, and the father is reduced to a runner, or a gopher, to use a term that’s used in construction, a person who just goes for stuff. We then find that we have three year old children, four year old five year old children, and now we’re entering into the school age years. And who’s making the decisions for these little angels, their ruler, Mom, because she’s established herself as the only authority in their lives. She decides how they eat, when they eat, what they eat, how they sleep, how they dress, what they do. The daily schedule is ordered around the mother.

This whole household has been hijacked by the woman who has no authority to do these things. And it’s not God’s will that the household be ordered in this way, for obvious reasons. So now we’re entering into the school age years, and we’ve got the education of children being decided not by a father and husband, who’s engaged as a profit earning professional in the market, but by a dependent mother who stays at home and doesn’t have to earn their families resources in that competitive market. She’s making the decisions about what the children should do, how they should live, how they should be taught to act, what they should study how they should study, whether the day should be disciplined and scheduled or free and relaxed, she makes the decision.

On what principle we’ll find that the mothers in these houses make the decisions based on their own preference and convenience. The children that are raised with decisions being made, not in relation to what’s going on outside the family, but only with relation to what goes on inside the home, and what the mother wishes to go on inside the home. And all of a sudden, we start to run into problems. These children now begin to get into their teenage years. And they start to hit puberty. And all of a sudden, their bodies start to change, their minds start to change, their interests start to change and the culture that they live in, especially for boys, the culture that they live in, the principles by which their lives are being directed, are not appropriate for them. They are not in their best interests, will often find mothers talking about how they never want their babies to leave home. And they talk about this as if it’s a sign of love, and affection. But it’s the children’s right to leave home. It’s the children’s right when they become adults to make their own decisions about their state of life, their occupations, vocations and so on. The mother doesn’t have the right to say that she’s just going to wish that her babies always stay home. And what she does is instead of sacrificing herself, to prepare them for the happiest future, as independent adults, she turns those children towards herself and treats them like her own sources of service, and entertainment, companionship, social activity, and so on. And she has no right to do that. And what we see as these children get older, they’re not prepared for life as independent adults. And because they’re not prepared for life as independent adults, they’re not prepared for their own happiness. And they become unhappy inside of them, our adult thoughts, adult desires. But they’re being raised as if they’re to remain children for the rest of their lives.

And this is an example of how the common good is undermined by an error and how the household operates. The Father’s way is often rejected by the mother because it’s seen as harsh or unloving, or worldly or cold. fathers are criticized for caring too much about future preparation and occupations, vocational discernment, career preparation education for the sake of some accountable real measurement in the future. Mothers often scoff at these ideas and treat the husbands as if there’s some kind of anxious worldly distraction to the Christian home. But the father is concerned about these things because he knows the challenges that these children are going to face as they seek to become Independent adults, which is their right upon which their happiness in life will depend. The Father’s strictness is a great blessing for the children. And this is why Scripture teaches us that whom a father loves he chastens. When a father loves a child, he shows that love by discipline, and discipline doesn’t just mean this lazy, stupid idea of spanking your kids. It means a discipline of life. It has to do with the order of the household, it has to do with the education that’s received the culture that’s established in the home what the family does, with leisure time. It’s the discipline of a whole life that’s led and directed by a father who loves his children, like a gardener loves his plants. He doesn’t let them grow however they want.

Pruning a plant in a symbolic way, injures the plant, it’s a temporary injury. It’s painful at the moment when the extra branches are being broken off. But that pruning allows the plant to bear its fruit. And that’s the work of a gardener. And discipline is the work of a father. And the father’s care for the independence of the children is also motivated by the reality that the Father is the one who has to earn all that this child is consuming. And so there’s two different things that a father is thinking about. First of all, he’s looking at a child who’s got biceps and shoulders and, and legs and is saying, This boy should not be allowed to eat anymore if he’s unwilling to work. He’s being raised in a way that’s immoral. He’s He’s big and strong, he’s able to work, he should be taught the moral principle, that if anyone is not willing to work, he also should not eat. And he should be encouraged, as far as he is able, as young as he is able to work to contribute to the good of the household, to earn his own bread. Because that’s the goal of childhood to become independent.

So the father in a selfish way, but still, in a just way, looks at the children and their capacity for work. And doesn’t believe that they should just be dished out food, and drink, and clothes, and toys, without having to do any honest work, to help earn those things. And on the opposite side, the father is looking at that boy, getting into his teens, and looking at the normal timeframe for which boys transition into adult independence. And he’s saying, This boy needs to get going. He has opportunities that he can pursue when he’s 17 years old, when he’s 18 years old. For example, a boy can join the military at 18 and earn a full time salary and be independent. And so this lingering, idle, dependent and disobedient young adult is everything that’s present in the welfare culture that mommy complains about. And yet because it’s her baby, it’s okay. Even though the moral circumstances are the same. The reason why the mother promotes this immoral culture is the same as the reason why the politicians promote the same culture for their own benefit. It’s selfishness. That does this, the children are seen as possessions of the mother, whose job is to serve the mother, she does not see herself as a mother, who has to work to raise independent moral adults.

Now, on top of this moral mess in the home, we can add all kinds of religious activity, we can go to daily mass, we can pray the rosary every day. But that’s just all dress. And again, that same mother is probably criticizing Joe Biden for receiving communion, Nancy Pelosi for calling herself a Catholic and so on. Why? Because they practice morals that are not in line with Christian moral teaching. And yet they participate in the religious ceremonies and activities of the Catholic faith. And they know that’s not right. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to practice Christian morals. so that we may celebrate the Christian life and participate in its worship worthily those words will come out of that mother’s mouth, and yet in her own home, the opposite will be practiced. And that’s what I refer to as “mommy culture”.

The Double Standard

This self contradicting, double standard, that’s very common in conservative Christian families, where women, especially women, are very vocal about conservative politics, while their personal behavior acts upon all of the principles that they condemn, in politics, the principles of socialism, the denial of private property, letting people eat, who will not work, denying workers right to what’s theirs, using religion as a cover, for immoral behavior, on and on. And this contradiction is a dilemma that’s responsible for many of the bad fruits that we see coming out of these families. And we wonder how in the world are there so many Christian families, so many Catholic families who claim to be praying the rosary every day and going to mass frequently, on and on? Yet there are no interest in religious vocations? We see Christians leading almost no fields of secular work. Where, where are all the Christian children going when they enter into adulthood? The reality is that they’re not being prepared for either religious vocations or secular occupations, because they’re being raised in this welfare, like mommy culture, at home.

Now, as I said, families fall all along a spectrum with regard to these things. And I also want to make it clear that while I’ve picked on the role of mothers in this talk, we haven’t addressed yet the same issues in the lives of the fathers, which are just as irrational and self contradicting. I’ll do that in another talk. We’ll get into that. fathers are just as guilty. They often allow mommy culture to go unchecked. I should make I should really emphasize this. We might ask how does this Mommy culture get away with this. How do women get away with this? Why do men allow this? The answer is usually not because men are afraid of their wives, or because they think their wives are actually right. There are other reasons why men allow this. One reason is that men like to be told to butt out of family activities. If a man doesn’t want to take responsibility for his children, and his wife says, just stay out of this Tom, he may be perfectly happy to hear that and use it as an excuse for why he ignored a problem that he saw developing. He may do so because he likes the fruits of mommy culture.

Mommy cultures always got good food on the stove. Lots of eating lots of playtime, TV time at night. It’s nice to live in mommy culture, and some men, especially if they’re gluttonous. Well, like the mommy culture. In their household, they’ll see it as the way that a good wife lives and they’ll be treated just like one of the kids by the mother. You know, the saying the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. That’s obviously that’s obviously sounds like something the devil would say, rather than any saint. But that’s one of the reasons why men allow this mommy culture to go unchecked. Even if they have to pay the bills for it. They like it. It tastes good, it’s comfortable.

Another reason maybe because of lust. A man who is unable to control sexual desire may accept any terms his wife lays down in order that they can make they can maintain some intimacy in their relationship. And he’s not willing to draw a line and say no, this has to change. Even if that means sleeping on the couch for a week. I often joke that during times when a man has to lay down the rule in the house, he often has to choose to sacrifice things for the sake of doing what’s right. And it’s interesting to see that married life, when a man takes responsibility for the life of his family beyond the wedding itself, but into all of the responsibilities of household life and culture. He often has to live with the discipline of a monk, because he has to be willing to sacrifice all desires at times, because he’s going to need to say something, or make a decision or do something that his wife protests against. Their relationship may get really testy at times and they may go through some long cold spells. But that’s his duty, as the head of the household and a man has to be willing to accept that. He may need to sacrifice voluntarily the privileges of marriage for the sake of ruling his family culture, and directing his household, according to God’s will.

So this idea that when you get married, you’re just allowed to eat, drink and be merry. That’s often the attitude of people who go into marriage of men who go into marriage and lose control of their households. There’s no such thing Christ calls all of us to perfection, to holiness. We all have to war against the sources of sin. By God’s grace, a man may rule over his household with true Christian principles and discipline and enjoy the affection of a devout wife and the gratitude of happy children.  They may not appreciate what he did for them while he was doing it, because as I said, all discipline is unpleasant at the time when it’s received, but when they enjoy the fruits of that discipline, when they, like the prodigal son ,come to their senses as adults and realize that they’ve got 1,000,001 advantages in life because dad dragged them out of bed, made them, take out the trash, made them weed the garden, made them clean their room, made them do the laundry, wash the dishes, help him at work. While they were teenagers, got on them for their studies, threw their televisions, in the garbage, or whatever other measures come up through the course of our years as parents. When the children are getting into their young adult years, and it’s time to enjoy independence, they’re gonna look back and say, “Man, I’m thankful that dad kicked my butt when I was 15 years old.”  I know I’m hearing that from my adult kids today and even though I would consider myself to have one of the happiest families, warm relationships, a wonderful relationship with my wife, it’s been a battle every day, since we were married. Because it’s hard, not because anyone is evil, or because anything is particularly wrong, but because the family is constantly under attack.

The Devil Targets Women for His Attacks

From the very beginning, we see that the devil has always targeted the woman for his attacks, and he does so in the same way today. And just as Eve was first tempted, deceived, like Saint Paul says, deceived by false ideas. And she disobeyed God being deceived. Women do the same thing today, being deceived. They act contrary to God’s will, thinking that they have things figured out. And we see that many men acting like Adam, walk up to their wives and their wife say, hey, eat this. And the dopey husbands, chomp down and eat and disobeyed God. In the same way. When God punished Adam, it’s worth noting, Genesis 3:17. God says to Adam, when he punishes him, he says, because you listen to your wife. That’s the cause of his punishment of Adam, man is not to listen to his wife, as if she were the authority, and he was the subject. He’s the one responsible for the household. He’s the one responsible to direct his household according to the will of God. And when men neglect that duty, and he does this in many different ways, and as a man, I know how difficult it is. And I can empathize with men who struggle, because it’s it’s a constant battle. But when the man doesn’t take his responsibilities seriously, and instead, tosses the keys to his wife, and just follows her lead, God’s will is not done. And what results, as I said, is called mommy culture. It’s just socialism, welfare state, ghetto culture, at the domestic level. And it’s very common in Christian households all over the place today.

Now, but if you’ve listened this far, you’re probably not offended by what I have said. My wife, when we discuss these things, when we argue about these things. She doesn’t like to hear them at the time when I say them, but what’s what’s special about my wife is that she’ll go away, upset, disagreeing. But she’ll think about Then. And as long as I’m right, she’ll yield to them. And that’s what, that’s what makes her a good wife. Things aren’t easy. As I said, they’re difficult to swallow, they may cause a woman to feel anxious because she feels like there’s so much wrong. And she doesn’t know where to begin. But that’s, that’s not a problem, that anxiety is a good thing, we just need to be patient. Because once we identify the problem, as deep and complex as it may be, we can start to root it out. And it can be routed out. And that’s going to be the subject for future talks how to root out this mommy culture. And before any men think that they’re going to get off the hook. And I’m just going to talk to women all the time, we’re going to deal with the fat dad culture in another talk. Because there’s lots of issues that men have to face that are no less offensive, and difficult. That are also related to this major problem.

As I said, What’s important is not that we eliminate all these things immediately, because as I said, it’s very complex, these problems are deeply rooted. Women will kick against these things, and resist them for years. And they can be removed little by little over time. Unfortunately, women have to learn the hard way, women with young children are often very confident that they that they’re going to figure everything out and everything’s gonna be fine. And then when the bad results start to appear. And they start to realize that this is spiraling out of control really quickly. And it’s too late to fix things. They’re going to have to learn at the expense of one of their older children. They often are then much more willing to listen, and hopefully get things in order so that the younger children aren’t negatively affected by these errors. That’s my concern. I hope that we can protect our older children from the effects of these things. So that we can minimize the damage that they caused, and then even better allow our younger children to grow up with a totally different culture that allows them to grow up, to be disciplined in love to be prepared for independence and happiness, according to God’s will. But to do that, we’re going to have to dismantle this mommy culture that’s so common in modern Christian society.

I hope this talk gets your gets your mind moving in this direction. If you’re offended, or upset by this, I hope it’s you’re upset in a good way, provoked with a desire to change. I know that initial feeling when you’re admonished for something, the initial reaction is sort of an angry, frustration. But that’s just temporary. That initial frustration goes away. And you can start to think clearly and begin to examine your life and make amendments which is the whole point of the Catholic life. Think of the act of contrition. We pray that with the help of God’s grace, will confess our sins, do penance and amend our life, that process is normal. So don’t get discouraged or frustrated. Be happy you have the opportunity to think about this and get things right. Think about your children. Get out of this selfish mother culture, which really comes from feminism. Think about your children what they need to be happy, independent adults and be willing to do whatever it takes to give them what they need. I hope that’s helpful. So long talk so I’m going to cut this off. Please follow up with any questions or new topics to take up in future talks. If you find this helpful even if you’re afraid it might be offensive. Please share, subscribe to the channel, and comment. I’d appreciate that. God bless.

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