The Work That Belongs to a Mother
Many young mothers find themselves unsure of what to do when their children become disruptive in public. They feel torn between wanting to remain where they are and knowing that others may be distracted. These moments are not easy, and they can leave a mother feeling uncertain or even discouraged. I remember being in that place myself, and I had to learn these lessons slowly over time, and not always perfectly.
One truth, however, became very clear to me. The care, training, and government of my children belonged to me. This was not something to be shared with those around me. It was my responsibility before God. St. Paul teaches, “She shall be saved through childbearing, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with self-control” (1 Timothy 2:15). This does not mean that a woman earns salvation by having children, but that she is sanctified through faithfully living her vocation. Her path to holiness is found in the daily work God has given her. This includes not only feeding and teaching her children, but also guiding their behavior, especially when others are present. Young children cannot yet govern themselves, and so their mother must gently and patiently govern them.
A Duty Toward Others
This responsibility is not only for the good of the child, but also for the good of others. Scripture teaches, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). Over time, I came to see that allowing my children to disturb others unnecessarily was not something I could ignore. It was something I needed to take responsibility for, out of charity.
It can be tempting to hope that others will understand or simply overlook a child’s behavior. And often, people are kind and patient. But a mother grows in wisdom when she gently takes that burden upon herself. When a child becomes disruptive, she can act quietly and promptly, guiding or removing the child as needed. This is not about embarrassment. It is not about worrying what others think. It is about love. It is about recognizing that others have come to work, to pray, or to rest, and we should try, as much as we are able, to preserve their peace.
Learning to Act with Prudence
This requires attentiveness. A mother must be watchful and ready to act before a situation becomes disruptive. In my own years of raising children, I learned this little by little. With ten children in fourteen years, I came to see how important it was to prepare ahead of time.
At Mass, we always sat in the back pew. This made it easier for me to step out quickly if a baby cried or a toddler became restless. We would arrive early so we could find that place, and over time, people kindly began to leave that space for us. I did not do this because it was easier, but because it helped me take responsibility. If one of my children began to disturb others, I could step out right away. I would walk with the child, calm him, and return when I could. Sometimes I stayed in the back. Sometimes I missed parts of things. But I came to understand that this was part of my work as a mother.
I remember, too, how one of the ushers in the back began to notice. He would watch quietly, and as soon as he saw me getting up, he would open the door to the narthex so I could leave without drawing attention. He did this so gently and without a word. Now, he is an older man, and when he sees me, he often speaks of those years. He encourages me and tells me I did a good job. That meant more to me than I can say. It reminded me that when we try to do our duty faithfully, even in small and hidden ways, others see it. And often, they are moved to support and encourage us.
Do Not Resist This Season
In those years, I sometimes wished things were quieter or more orderly. I wanted to sit still and give my full attention to what was in front of me. But that was not the season I was in. Scripture reminds us, “There is a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). The early years of motherhood are a time of movement, noise, and constant care. When I resisted that, I felt frustrated. When I accepted it, I began to find peace.
My husband helped me greatly in this. He would remind me that this season would not last forever, and that I should try to be content in it and do it well. He would tell me that a time of quiet would come later. And he was right.
The Wisdom of the Reed
Aesop’s fable of the oak and the reed stayed with me during those years. The oak stands firm and refuses to bend, while the reed yields to the wind. When the storm comes, the oak is broken, but the reed remains. I learned that I needed to be like the reed. When I insisted on having things my way, I became frustrated and tired. But when I learned to bend, to adjust, and to respond to what was needed in the moment, I found more peace. This kind of flexibility is not weakness. It is wisdom. It is the ability to meet the demands of the moment with patience and humility.
Taking Up the Burden with Love
The work of caring for young children is demanding. It requires attention, energy, and sacrifice. But over time, I came to see that this burden was not something to push away, but something to accept. God had given me these children, and He had given me the responsibility to care for them. The Catechism teaches that the duties of our state in life are the ordinary means of holiness. This means that my growth in virtue was found in these very tasks.
It also helped me to remember that this responsibility is temporary. Children grow. They learn. They become more capable. By the time they reach adulthood, the mother’s role changes. But during those early years, her responsibility is real and important.
The Formation of the Mother’s Soul
Looking back now, I can see that this work was not only forming my children. It was forming me. Through daily acts of patience, I learned self-control. Through constant service, I grew in charity. Through accepting inconvenience, I learned humility. Through perseverance, my faith was strengthened. This is what St. Paul means when he says that a woman is saved through childbearing, if she continues in faith, love, holiness, and self-control.
St. Monica shows us this beautifully. She endured many trials in her motherhood and waited many years to see the fruits of her labor. She did not control the outcome, but she remained faithful. She prayed, she trusted, and she persevered. In time, God worked in a way greater than she could have imagined.
Peace Comes in Its Time
Now, as an older mother, I can say with gratitude that the days that once felt long have passed. The constant needs have quieted. The interruptions are gone. I can now sit, listen, and pray in peace. But that peace did not come because I avoided the earlier years. It came because I lived them.
That season prepared me for this one. So take courage. Do not measure your day by what you were unable to do, but by the love with which you fulfilled what was given to you. Gently take responsibility for your children. Act with patience and care. And trust that in these small, hidden acts, God is doing something very great. He is forming your soul for eternity.
Reflection Questions for Mothers
- Do I accept that the care and guidance of my children has been entrusted to me by God?
- How can I grow in attentiveness and act more quickly when my children need guidance?
- Am I resisting this season of life, or learning to accept it with peace?
- How can I grow in faith, love, holiness, and self-control in my daily duties?
- Do I trust that God is working through these hidden sacrifices?
A Prayer for Mothers
Lord, give me patience in my daily work.
Help me to accept the duties You have given me.
Teach me to guide my children with love and humility.
Grant me faith, love, holiness, and self-control.
And form my soul through this vocation You have given me.
Amen.
Notes
- The Holy Bible, New American Bible Revised Edition, 1 Timothy 2:15, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, https://bible.usccb.org/bible/1timothy/2.
- The Holy Bible, New American Bible Revised Edition, Philippians 2:4, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, https://bible.usccb.org/bible/philippians/2.
- The Holy Bible, New American Bible Revised Edition, Ecclesiastes 3:1, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, https://bible.usccb.org/bible/ecclesiastes/3.
- The Holy Bible, New American Bible Revised Edition, 1 Corinthians 10:31, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, https://bible.usccb.org/bible/1corinthians/10.
- Catechism of the Catholic Church (Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1993), §§2201–2231, https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P7C.HTM.
- Augustine, Confessions, trans. E. B. Pusey (New York: P. F. Collier & Son, 1909), https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1101.htm.
- Thérèse of Lisieux, Story of a Soul, trans. John Clarke, OCD (Washington, DC: ICS Publications, 1976), https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2650.
- Aesop, Aesop’s Fables, Classical Liberal Arts Academy Library, “The Oak and the Reed,” https://classicalliberalarts.com/library/aesops-fables/.
