“Get Married and Have Babies!” A Warning against Modern “Pro-Family” Messaging

The Protestant Reformation has led many Catholics to believe that marriage and child-bearing is the chief end of the Christian life. A common political message today, presented from what is considered a “Christian” perspective urges Christians to “Get married and have babies!”. A romanticized message of family life is promoted which denies the consequences of original sin, fills young adults with presumptuous expectations and draws many away from contemplative life and religious vocations.

Worse than this, the image of the “Christian family” is commonly presented as the measure of God’s favor on Christian adults. I have been congratulated by many who see my family and assume that we are saintly people because my wife and I are healthy and fertile. On the other hand, some have called me a fraud because my children have been found to do normal human things. There is an attempt to judge the spiritual condition of parents not by their own faith and morals but by those of their children. The choices of adult children are credited to or blamed on their parents as if the parents are responsible for moral behavior but not the children. The same argument does not hold for the parents of the parents, which proves that this position is not serious. The “Christian family” message allows healthy and wealthy Americans to post their family pictures as signs of divine favor and blessing, presenting external appearances of temporal well-being as the signs of salvation. The message has more to do with politics than theology: “Conservatives look like this.”

We don’t have many images from history of the large, smiling families of saints. I can think of two.

First, the Martin family in France. This family, however, would not have agreed with nor satisfied the modern pro-family campaign. The parents only married because they were denied admission to religious life, and their daughters all became nuns. In all of Church history, Louis and Zelie Martin were the only married couple ever canonized. While this canonization confirms the potential holiness of married life, its singularity doesn’t exactly recommend it to young Catholics.

Second, the family of Thomas More in England. More was a famous political figure in England and is common presented as the model for all laymen, but he was killed for his faith by King Henry VIII at age 57, leaving his family in terrible circumstances. Many of his family members chose to abandon the Catholic faith and submit to the king when pressure came and his household was left in extreme poverty when he died. This part of his story is rarely told. St. Paul warned of this in the New Testament.

The “Get married and have babies!” message is not the message of Church history, nor is marriage to be considered of equal honor with virginity for the sake of religion. The Council of Trent decreed the following as Protestants began this teaching in the 16th century:

“If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.” ((Council of Trent, Session XXIV, Canon X. https://www.papalencyclicals.net/councils/trent/twenty-fourth-session.htm))

So, no, the “Get married and have babies!” message is not the message that should be forced on Christian children and young adults. There is more to life than physical reproduction and the theological virtues of faith, hope and charity are not passed on to children through sexual reproduction. Appearances of “Christian culture” may be captured in photographs, but becoming — and remaining — a child of God depends on the free, persevering choice of every individual — not parents.

The Scriptures on Personal Responsibility

Speaking of free will and family life, I’d like to share a passage of Scripture from the prophet Ezekiel. In the 18th chapter, Ezekiel, under the inspiration of God, speaks of individual responsibility and destroys any suggestion that the faith and obedience of adult children is the sign of the salvation of their parents. Even further, the prophet proves that failures of parents do not justify any disobedience in adult children. Christian parents are responsible not for the salvation of their children but for the fulfillment of the duties of Catholic parents explained in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

In the text below, I have removed references that were specific to the historical events to which Ezekiel spoke that we may see clearly the moral message for us.((New American Bible, Revised Edition (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Eze 18:5–32.))

Ezekiel 18:5-9: Men Shall be Judged by Their Own Works

“If a man is just—if he does what is right, if he does not eat on the mountains((“eat on the mountains” – to participate in idolatrous sacrificial rituals)), or raise his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel; if he does not defile a neighbor’s wife, or have relations with a woman during her period; if he oppresses no one, gives back the pledge received for a debt, commits no robbery; gives food to the hungry and clothes the naked; if he does not lend at interest or exact usury; if he refrains from evildoing and makes a fair judgment between two opponents; if he walks by my statutes and is careful to observe my ordinances, that man is just—he shall surely live.”

Ezekiel 18:10-13: Sons Shall be Judged by Their Own Works

“But if he begets a son who is violent and commits murder, or does any of these things, even though the father does none of them—a son who eats on the mountains, defiles the wife of his neighbor, oppresses the poor and needy, commits robbery, does not give back a pledge, raises his eyes to idols, does abominable things, lends at interest and exacts usury—this son certainly shall not live. Because he practiced all these abominations, he shall surely be put to death; his own blood shall be on him.”

Ezekiel 18:14-20: Sons Shall Not be Judged for Their Fathers’ Sins

“But if he begets a son who sees all the sins his father commits, yet fears and does not imitate him— a son who does not eat on the mountains, or raise his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile a neighbor’s wife; who does not oppress anyone, or exact a pledge, or commit robbery; who gives his food to the hungry and clothes the naked; who refrains from evildoing, accepts no interest or usury, but keeps my ordinances and walks in my statutes—this one shall not die for the sins of his father. He shall surely live! Only the father, since he committed extortion and robbed his brother, and did what was not good among his people—he will die because of his sin! You ask: “Why is not the son charged with the guilt of his father?” Because the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to observe all my statutes—he shall surely live! Only the one who sins shall die. The son shall not be charged with the guilt of his father, nor shall the father be charged with the guilt of his son. Justice belongs to the just, and wickedness to the wicked.”

Ezekiel 18:21-26: Present State of Life is All that God Considers

“But if the wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed, if he keeps all my statutes and does what is just and right, he shall surely live. He shall not die! None of the crimes he has committed shall be remembered against him; he shall live because of the justice he has shown. Do I find pleasure in the death of the wicked? Do I not rejoice when they turn from their evil way and live? And if the just turn from justice and do evil, like all the abominations the wicked do, can they do this evil and still live? None of the justice they did shall be remembered, because they acted treacherously and committed these sins; because of this, they shall die.

Ezekiel 18:27-29: God Gives Every Man His Own Due

“You say, “The LORD’s way is not fair!” Is it my way that is unfair? Are not your ways unfair? When the just turn away from justice to do evil and die, on account of the evil they did they must die. But if the wicked turn from the wickedness they did and do what is right and just, they save their lives; since they turned away from all the sins they committed, they shall live; they shall not die. But you say, “The Lord’s way is not fair!” Is it my way that is not fair? Is it not your ways that are not fair? Therefore I will judge you, all of you according to your ways. Turn, turn back from all your crimes, that they may not be a cause of sin for you ever again. Cast away from you all the crimes you have committed, and make for yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. Why should you die? For I find no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies. Turn back and live!”

Conclusion

Catholics should not receive their spiritual direction from politicians and podcasters but from the Catholic Church. They should be studying Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition. When we do so, we find that the messaging of conservative politics may be better than the messaging of liberal politics, but it falls short of the faith and moral teaching of the Church. Catholics ought not to think that the sign of salvation is found in the photos they can arrange and publish on social media. In fact, whether good or bad, the choices of adult children are not their responsibility. They deserve neither praise for the good works of their adult children nor blame for their bad works. Throughout history, good men have raised both good and evil sons, while bad men have been followed by good sons. In none of these cases could the father be credited for the free moral choices of his sons.

The presumptuous call to “Get married and have babies!” suggests that the Christian mission may be fulfilled by sexual reproduction, which directly contradicts the teaching of the Bible:

“To those who did accept him he gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in his name, who were born not by natural generation nor by human choice nor by a man’s decision but of God.” ((New American Bible, Revised Edition (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Jn 1:12–13.))

The arrogance of this view, that men can simply make Christians denies our dependence on the grace of God, offers a counterfeit to the real Christian mission, which Christ gave to the Church:

“All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” ((New American Bible, Revised Edition (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Mt 28:18–20.))

This mission does not require marriage but faithful preaching. That is why the Church warns that we should never consider marriage and reproduction equal to or better than religious life. I am a married man with ten children, but I did not become a Catholic until I was over 30 years old and was already married with five children when I did so. It took me a long time to purge Protestant teachings and learn from the Church. I hope this helps.

If you’d like to raise an objection or share thoughts of your own, please feel free to do so in the comments below.

God bless,

Mr. William C. Michael, O.P.
Headmaster
Classical Liberal Arts Academy